As I was picking up my son from preschool the other day, a curious little girl from his class tugged on my sweater and asked, right in front of my son Max, “Where is Max’s daddy?” Without hesitating, I smiled and replied, “He doesn’t have a daddy.” The little girl paused, clearly trying to comprehend this unusual situation. Before I could grab Max’s lunchbox from his cubby and escape the potential barrage of awkward inquiries, she asked, “Did his daddy die?”
“No,” I explained. “Max simply doesn’t have a dad. Some families have moms and dads, some have just moms or just dads, and sometimes there are grandparents. Max has a mom and a sister, and that’s his family.”
This explanation seemed to make me a peculiar specimen in the eyes of the five-year-old, who had clearly mastered the basic biology of bees and birds but was now grappling with the concept of diverse family structures. She scrunched up her face and started to say, “But…” when Max chimed in.
“I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Target?” he asked, completely unfazed. Yes, we can go to Target and get you a prize for trying diced pears, buddy. Well done!
You see, my son understands our family dynamic—at least for now. He doesn’t question our non-traditional setup or the fact that, despite my lack of resemblance to the Virgin Mary, he was brought into this world sans a father figure. I’ve simply and lovingly explained to him that he doesn’t have a dad, and he’s perfectly fine with that. In fact, he’s thriving. Max is a joyful, clever, and empathetic little boy who loves monster trucks, video games, soccer, and spending time with friends. He’s five years old and has never met his “dad.”
The reasons behind this situation aren’t relevant right now. They’re part of my past, which I don’t dwell on, stress over, or wish were different. I genuinely feel that choosing to raise him alone was the best decision for both of us given our circumstances. Although juggling a full-time job and parenting alone can be exhausting and financially challenging, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Well, maybe I’d prefer not to go gray prematurely, but who wouldn’t want to skip that? Thankfully, there are great boxed hair colors available nowadays—non-drip foam, even!
As Father’s Day approaches, I prepare to celebrate not just my dad and my cherished late grandfather (after whom Max is partly named) but also my brother-in-law and myself. Yes, I’m a mom, but in many ways, I also fulfill the role of ‘dad’ for Max, even if he doesn’t see me that way. While I have no plans to start wearing jockstraps or growing a goatee, I embrace both maternal and paternal roles. I’m the nurturing mom who bakes cakes and the adventurous dad who takes him to monster truck shows. I’ve taught him to use his manners and even how to pee standing up. I’m there for doctor visits, comforting him through his shots, and encouraging him to shake it off when he takes a tumble on his bike. It’s a rewarding blend of roles, minus the creepy split-personality vibe.
Every year, as the holiday draws near, I have a conversation with Max’s teacher, who changes yearly. There will be class projects where students create something special for their dads, or opportunities for dads to join for breakfast. I ensure the teacher knows I’ll be attending that breakfast, and perhaps Max can make his craft for his grandpa or uncle—or maybe even for me. If luck is on my side, I’ll proudly display a handmade macramé tie right next to the charming purple jewelry box he painted for me on Mother’s Day.
This piece is dedicated to my fellow incredible single moms, as well as those multitasking moms who share in the responsibilities of “fathering.” Likewise, there are plenty of solo dads out there who deserve the same love and recognition on Mother’s Day, too. Perhaps it’s time to reconsider the concept of separate Mother’s and Father’s Days and simply celebrate all parents twice a year, ensuring no one misses out on a delightful brunch of eggs benedict.
In summary, navigating the complexities of parenting as a solo mom can be challenging yet rewarding. Embracing both roles for my son has forged a strong bond between us, proving that love and support can come in many forms, regardless of traditional family structures.
Keyphrase: Celebrating Father’s Day as a Single Mom
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