Menu: Parenting
By Lily Thompson
Updated: Jan. 21, 2016
Originally Published: May 12, 2014
My ten-year-old daughter, Mia, has a strong preference for clothing from the boys’ section. She gravitates towards loose, boxy t-shirts emblazoned with images of superheroes like Spiderman. Her hair is always styled in two braids—without exception, even at bedtime. Thick, blonde, and stunning, her hair is a crowning glory, framing her beautiful, wide-set blue eyes and high cheekbones. She has long, slender limbs that remind me of a young foal. To me, she’s incredibly beautiful, but the truth is, she couldn’t care less about appearances.
Last year, I insisted she let her braids down for her class picture. It turned into a major conflict, and I resorted to some questionable tactics. I psychoanalyzed her, expressing my fears that her braids were like a security blanket (they were for me), and I wanted her to feel comfortable in her own skin. I even offered a bribe: a lightsaber that could have fed us for a month.
But deep down, my motives were less about her emotional well-being and more about my desire to showcase her in the best light possible, to have her look “pretty” in the way I envisioned. On picture day, she settled for ponytails, letting her hair down only for the snapshot. The entire fourth-grade girl crew gasped and praised her beauty, and afterward, one of them sweetly braided her hair back up.
When I received her school picture a month later, I felt a fleeting sense of triumph—she looked lovely with her hair flowing. But she also appeared somewhat different, almost like a stranger.
I’ve since come to terms with this. My daughter doesn’t need to meet my expectations of beauty. She shouldn’t feel pressured to prioritize how she looks. However, a weekly hair wash is non-negotiable—that’s as far as I’m willing to compromise! What I truly care about is that she doesn’t define herself by her appearance like I did, and still do.
What truly defines Mia are her interests and passions: crafting weapons out of paper, learning to sketch manga through online tutorials, engaging in epic Dungeons and Dragons sessions with her dad, reading The Hunger Games with me, playing the piano, and diving into Judo. She has a world of interests that keep her vibrant and engaged.
Kids like Mia teach us so much about living authentically.
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In summary, I’ve learned to celebrate my daughter for who she is rather than mold her to fit a narrow standard of beauty. Her passions and personality shine far brighter than any hairstyle or outfit could.
Keyphrase: Embracing Authenticity in Parenting
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