Updated: Sep. 29, 2023
Originally Published: April 16, 2014
My son’s workspace proudly displays an impressive assortment of trophies, most of which he didn’t truly earn. Sure, “most impressive” might be a stretch, as countless kids probably showcase a similar collection of awards, medals, and certificates simply for showing up. By the time my son wrapped up elementary school, he had amassed quite the collection, making it seem like he was the star of the show.
Now, don’t get me wrong; my son isn’t exactly the next sports sensation. He once asked his coach if he could take a break because his uniform felt scratchy. And during a local soccer tournament, he managed to trip over the ball more times than I can count. Yet somehow, he has trophies that suggest he was a standout athlete.
While there are certainly talented kids out there who genuinely earn their accolades, it seems like far too many children receive recognition for merely stepping onto the field. I wholeheartedly support my son’s self-esteem, and when he strikes out in baseball, I certainly don’t mock him. Like any dedicated parent, I give him that encouraging smile and say, “Great effort!” even if he’s not the most coordinated kid around.
However, if there was a contest for the most self-assured child (regardless of the situation), he’d take home the gold. Yet, handing out trophies simply for participation doesn’t align with my views on building real confidence.
Why should my son receive a trophy if he didn’t earn it? Does it genuinely boost his self-esteem, or does it send the message that mediocrity is acceptable? Are we cultivating a generation that believes merely showing up merits recognition? I know a college professor who has received multiple emails from parents questioning why their “brilliant” kids didn’t receive A’s in her class. Perhaps it’s because they didn’t earn them.
I want my son to understand that he must put in the effort to achieve his goals. Wouldn’t life be simpler if everyone received a trophy just for existing? Want that dream job? Just show up! Hoping for a spot in an elite PhD program? Everyone gets in!
I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t nurture our children, show them love, or encourage participation. Instead, when your little one feels disappointed because someone else won first place at the swim meet while they went home empty-handed, calmly explain that not everyone can win all the time. That shiny trophy may sparkle, but winning it for mere presence doesn’t inspire true success. I love my son dearly, and I want the best for him.
What I don’t want is to be the parent calling his college professors when he’s 20, asking for an A on his assignments. I want him to learn that hard work and determination are what truly lead to success.
This article was originally published on April 16, 2014.
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In summary, it’s essential to recognize the value of hard work and accomplishment rather than just showing up. By instilling these principles, we can help our children grow into motivated, responsible adults who understand the importance of earning their achievements.
Keyphrase: Trophies for participation
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