As a parent of three—an infant, a 5-year-old, and a 7-year-old—I adore my little ones, but let’s be honest; parenting can be overwhelming at times. Friends without kids often throw questions my way, and while I know they mean well, some of these inquiries can be downright exasperating. So, let’s clarify a few things…
- “How do you handle three kids?”
What were you hoping for with this question? A heartfelt confession about how I sometimes feel like I’m drowning? Transitioning from two to three felt like I was already treading water, and then someone tossed me a baby! Honestly, managing them? Not always gracefully. Is that what you wanted to know? Are you satisfied now? - “Do your kids ever argue?”
Seriously? Did you argue with your siblings? Of course they do! Just last week, I had to intervene in a wrestling match over whether my daughter could smell my son’s fart. And the week before that, it was a brawl over string cheese. Yes, kids fight. When they’re not squabbling, they’re likely plotting something mischievous… probably a heist. - “Did you catch last night’s episode of Parks and Recreation?”
This may not seem related to parenting, but it totally is. I no longer control the TV remote; my kids do. Last night, I was subjected to Yo-Gabba-Gabba followed by Pokémon. If the main character isn’t animated or a plush toy, just assume I missed it! - “Why are your eyes so red? Did your kids keep you up?”
Yes! They did! I spent two hours last night changing wet sheets and searching for Mr. Bunny. Honestly, if you see a tired parent, just assume the kids are to blame and keep your comments to yourself. - “Do your kids ever talk back?”
Oh, absolutely not! My children are little angels who always use polite language, right? Wrong! Just yesterday, my 5-year-old called me a “fart face” because I wouldn’t let her watch Netflix. And my 7-year-old told my wife she “sucked” for denying him an ice cream sandwich. Of course, I sent them to their rooms, but this is parenthood! - “What’s that stain on your shirt?”
Puke. Always puke. Tomorrow, I’ll likely wear something splattered with more of the same. If the stain is a different color, it could be pee or something else entirely. I have a baby; it’s just part of the deal. - “I bet there’s a lot of love in your home, right?”
Mostly, my house is filled with messes, boogers, and mysterious wet spots. I can’t explain all the smells, and my table is perpetually sticky. But yes, when I walk in, my 7-year-old leaps into my arms, and it’s heartwarming. My 5-year-old loves to show me her latest dance, and the baby’s kicks and squeals are just adorable.
What about you? What ridiculous parenting questions have you faced?