One late afternoon, I found myself engrossed in work at the kitchen table when the garden door flung open. In rushed my eldest son, Max, cheeks flushed with excitement and a helmet askew atop his head. “Mom!” he shouted, but my attention was glued to the screen. “Mom!” he persisted, “I can ride a bike!” Now, he had my full focus.
Two years prior, we had gifted him a gleaming new bike for his fifth birthday. The shop clerk assured us it was the right size for Max, who is tall for his age. “Room to grow,” he had said, which sounded reasonable back then. However, it turned out to be a miscalculation. Max is cautious by nature, and our initial attempts at riding were filled with wobbles and near spills, with me desperately attempting to stabilize him as gravity pulled us both down. Eventually, we lost interest. Rainy autumn gave way to an even rainier winter, and the bike languished in the garage as time marched on.
With the arrival of twins, my capacity to manage Max’s bike lessons vanished. By spring, when life had shifted dramatically, I was barely keeping up with my own needs, let alone teaching a child to ride. Max found other outdoor pursuits that didn’t involve me.
As children grow, there’s a bittersweet necessity in letting go. Sometimes it happens gradually, like the ticking away of birthdays; other times, it’s thrust upon you by life’s circumstances. With two new babies around, I found myself drifting away from Max, who was now nearly six. Nights spent tucking him in were marked by fragments of stories from a week past—stories that felt foreign and rough in my hands. My grip on his daily life had loosened, and he was changing as a result.
That summer, Max made new friends—an achievement that didn’t come easily to him. Our home is nestled in a development adjacent to a parking lot, and a path from our garden gate leads to the backyards of neighboring houses, some of which belong to boys his age. They began calling for him to join their play, and we hesitated at first. Was he old enough to venture alone to the next yard? To roam unsupervised, constructing forts and secret agent hideouts? Other parents seemed to think so, and eventually, we concurred.
This group of kids quickly became a staple in our lives. Max would return home after school, eager to seek them out with his younger siblings. On rainy days, they would crowd indoors, but when the sun shone, they would race down the stretch of sidewalk, taking turns on each other’s bikes. Their makeshift commune featured bikes of every variety—some with training wheels, others without, and a few balance bikes designed to teach kids to ride without the crutch of additional support.
It’s an apt metaphor for parenting. In one scenario, we allow them to learn balance on their journey to adulthood, even as they wobble. In another, we prop them up, which feels safer but may delay their ability to find their own footing. This distinction reminds me of how I once “encouraged” Max to walk at 13 months, despite his reluctance. I would drag him around the room, supporting his weight while he resisted. Those efforts were more for me than for him, and I didn’t realize it then. As a first-time parent, I rushed him through milestones, eager for him to pass each test.
Eventually, he took his first steps, and I was there to witness it. I celebrated alongside him when he used the potty for the first time, buttoned his shirt, and read his first word. Each moment was precious. But there was something uniquely rewarding when he burst through the garden doors, eager to show me his newfound ability to ride a bike all on his own. It was a moment of pride that stemmed not from my guidance but from his self-discovery.
What I lost in realizing I didn’t teach Max to ride was softened by the joy he radiated in proving he could do it independently. For parents, this is the essence of growing up: the recognition that while shared milestones are sweet, the ones achieved in solitude can be even more delightful.
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Summary
This article reflects on the bittersweet nature of parenting milestones as children grow and gain independence. It highlights the importance of allowing kids to learn and achieve things on their own, celebrating their personal victories even when parents aren’t directly involved.
Keyphrase: parenting milestones
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