A few years ago, my oldest daughter transitioned into the tween phase without much fanfare. One moment, I was preoccupied with appointments and diaper changes, and the next, I found myself navigating this new phase of parenting, feeling distinctly unprepared. In an effort to catch up, I dove into parenting books, explored insightful blogs, and reached out to friends for advice, all while trying to maintain my sanity. Here’s what I’ve gathered about raising a tween girl that I hope will help others venturing into these uncharted waters.
1. She is her own person.
In my own middle school experience, I faced teasing and betrayal from girls I considered friends, which left lasting scars. When my daughter shares her “mean girl” stories, it’s easy to revert to my own memories. However, I remind myself that she has her own feelings, responses, and strengths. My role is to support her through her experiences with love and understanding.
2. Be present.
I often find myself sitting at the edge of her bed, eager to delve into her day. While she sometimes opens up, there are moments when she retreats into silence. I’m learning to simply be there for her, ready to listen when she chooses to share. This means occasionally pausing my work or letting her younger sister enjoy a show, so we can connect. It’s about balancing presence with giving her the space she needs.
3. Set boundaries.
Living with a tween means being bombarded with requests: “Can I watch this movie?” or “Can I have a sleepover?” While it’s tempting to say “yes” just to avoid the ensuing sass, I know that she needs boundaries now more than ever. These limits provide her with the security she craves, even if she doesn’t realize it. There will be times she’ll appreciate my decisions later on.
4. Know when to say yes.
As my daughter matures, the rules need to evolve too. Allowing her to stay up a bit later or go out with friends under certain conditions helps her feel a sense of independence. With added privileges comes the expectation of increased responsibility, fostering her confidence and our trust in each other. This foundation will be valuable when she’s 16 and asking for the car keys.
5. Emotions can overwhelm her.
When I explain why certain rules are in place, I often see her frustration bubbling, leading to dramatic outbursts. While her reactions can be infuriating, I try to remember that her hormones are in overdrive. I aim to pause the conversation until we both calm down rather than react in anger.
6. Shower her with love.
Amidst the chaos of puberty—like skin breakouts and shifting moods—she needs constant reminders of my love. No matter how her day unfolds or what outfit she’s questioning, it’s essential she knows she’s cherished. This simple affirmation can help ease tensions, especially when discussing what’s appropriate for outings with friends.
As I prepare for my daughter to turn 13 shortly, I must admit that while I may not be fully ready for the teenage years, at least I’m more aware this time around.
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