Why You Might Want to Think Twice About Meditation

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For those just starting out, it’s perfectly acceptable to view Vipassana meditation as simply sitting in silence with your eyes closed. There are no elaborate mantras, no intricate hand positions, and you don’t have to roam around the room like they do at zen centers or show reverence to a cup of tea. No special attire is required. After your meditation session, someone may give a talk, but you can choose to leave, nod appreciatively, or even return home and share some light-hearted criticisms about it with friends. The choice is yours.

Reason #1 to be wary of meditation: Mortality Awaits

Many people express a genuine fear of meditation, and they have good reason for it. For one, a lot of seasoned meditators are getting on in years. You can’t attend a Vipassana session without confronting the reality that aging is inevitable—white hair, ear hair, and a face that resembles an apple doll are all part of the journey. The meditation experience serves as a stark reminder that the Grim Reaper is keeping tabs on you, and one day, you might find yourself awaiting his arrival in your comfiest red wool socks and corduroys, while you breathe heavily through your mouth.

You may also experience the embarrassment of dozing off in your chair during meditation and landing on the floor. This has happened to me three times since I began meditating, with a different individual each time. It’s not a sign of a problem; it’s just a quirky occurrence that could very well happen to you!

Reason #2 to fear meditation: The Jerks Among Us

While many individuals turn to meditation seeking peace and tranquility, it’s essential to acknowledge that some people—yes, like me—meditate despite their less-than-pleasant personalities. The practice doesn’t magically transform everyone into an enlightened being. This means you might find yourself in a room filled with a mix of peaceful souls and those ready for a showdown over the slightest disruption.

For example, I arrived late to a session one Monday evening, and as I hurriedly removed my coat, a newcomer asked if we could enter the meditation room despite the session starting. I nodded reassuringly, but another woman in the foyer scowled and declared it “disruptive.” While I understood the technicality of her statement, I felt it fell under the category of “not a big deal.”

As I walked into the room, I could sense the judgment from the disapproving woman, who seemed to be holding a moral high ground. However, I knew I was right because not long after entering, someone else unexpectedly tumbled out of their chair! Now, that was genuinely disruptive.

There will inevitably be someone trying to prove they are morally superior during meditation, and in my case, they usually succeed. But I refuse to let them derail my experience!

Reason #3 to be cautious of meditation: The Noises

Another source of anxiety during meditation is the sounds. The silence can be deafening, especially after dinner, as you become acutely aware of even the smallest noises—like burps or the inner workings of someone’s digestive system. You might even hear the gentle secretion of insulin!

During my last session, the woman next to me rummaged through her purse and began unwrapping some newfangled mints. As I opened my eyes to see what was happening, I realized I could hear every single movement of her tongue, the mints clanking against her teeth, and even the sound of her saliva making its minty descent down her throat. Initially, I felt a surge of irritation, but by the end, I found myself contemplating how I could draw a photorealistic portrait of her mouth—an oddly amusing thought that lightened my mood.

So yes, anyone contemplating meditation should be aware of these potential fears. But remember, you need not excel at meditation or even enjoy it. The primary goal is simply to take some time to do nothing. With practice, you may discover that sitting in a quiet room with strangers can offer a level of euphoria—much like being on Ecstasy, but without the hefty price tag or next-day regrets. It’s amusing that Vipassana translates to “seeing things as they truly are,” considering we often associate reality with chaos, yet the simplicity of meditation feels so refreshingly pure.

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In summary, while the world of meditation may seem daunting with all its quirks and challenges, it’s merely an invitation to sit still for a bit. Embrace the experience, and you might just find it enlightening.

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