Parenting
By Jamie Carter
Updated: Sep. 12, 2017
Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2014
Since becoming a parent, I find myself saying things I never thought I would, often resulting in some truly perplexing moments. Motherhood has transformed me into a master of absurd questions and nonsensical statements. After I say them, I often catch myself wondering: “What on earth was I thinking?” Here are some recent gems:
- “If you don’t put on your shoes, I’m leaving without you.” Let’s be real—where could I possibly go without her? The backyard? The garage?
- “Do you want me to spank you?” Honestly, what kid is going to say “yes” to that?
- “If you don’t clean that up, you’re going straight to bed.” At 2 PM, no less.
- “If you keep that up, I’m turning this car around!” This threat only seems to surface when we’re on our way to appointments like the doctor, bank, or preschool—places we can’t just skip.
- “You’ve got 30 seconds to tidy up those toys, or I’m throwing them away.” Because tossing out “all those toys” sounds like a lot of fun… not!
- “If you don’t eat, you won’t get any more dinner.” Yeah, that logic totally checks out.
- “I’m going to count to three—better stop or else!” I’m still unsure what the “or else” entails.
- “Are you trying to make me mad?” Silly me; my toddlers aren’t plotting against me. They’re just blissfully ignoring me until my head spins!
- “If you don’t start listening, I’m going to stop talking.” Brilliant strategy, right?
- “If you keep playing with your food, I’ll take it away.” Let’s be honest; if they’re not eating, they’re probably just not hungry. Duh.
As I navigate this wild parenting journey, it’s clear I’ll need to level up my game as they grow older—because let’s face it, they already know they hold most of the power. Until then, they’ve got 30 seconds… or else!
For more parenting tips and tricks, check out this post on fertility boosters for men, or dive into the world of at-home insemination kits for a comprehensive guide. If you’re looking for excellent resources on pregnancy, you can also visit Healthline for valuable insights.