Menu
- Lifestyle
- Shed the Baby Weight in 12 Simple Steps
by Mia Thompson
Updated: Oct. 25, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 17, 2014
“The typical woman gains around 25 lbs or less during her pregnancy,” as every parenting website likes to remind you. Then you flip through a parenting magazine and see the chiseled abs of celebrities like Sarah Lane, Megan Fox, or Gigi Hadid, who claim that a little breastfeeding and a stroll with a baby stroller was all it took to return to their pre-baby figures. After you toss the magazine in frustration and devour a donut in record time, it’s time to take charge of your post-baby body. This journey may be just as challenging as childbirth, but follow these 12 straightforward steps, and you can leave other mothers at the playgroup green with envy.
Step 1
Start with a weight gain extravaganza. To proudly declare, “I lost 75 lbs,” you first need to pack on those extra pounds.
Step 2
Sign up at a gym. Wondering how to motivate yourself to attend spin classes or hit the weights when the thought of sitting on a toilet sends you into a panic? Spoiler: You probably won’t. Accept that your chances of maintaining a regular workout schedule are slim. However, just climbing the stairs to the registration desk might burn a few calories—once.
Step 3
Ditch the junk food. This is your chance to stop indulging in the bizarre cravings you blamed on pregnancy. Goodbye, cream cheese on scrambled eggs and candy bar cereal!
Step 4
Opt for breastfeeding. Those calories from your cream cheese concoctions will be gobbled up by your little one, leaving you lighter.
Step 5
Avoid establishing a consistent baby schedule. After a few weeks of sleep deprivation, even locating the fridge will feel like a monumental task.
Step 6
Embrace the “Arm’s Reach” Diet. When your newborn is snoozing on your lap, you’ll only be able to eat what’s within arm’s length—whether it’s leftover Halloween candy or a stale snack. You’ll be surprised how this leads to weight loss!
Step 7
Wait until after the baby arrives to assemble furniture. Trust me, putting together a crib can easily rival the complexity of assembling a spaceship. You’ll be burning calories just trying to figure it out.
Step 8
Skip buying clothes that fit. Oprah might be disappointed, but nothing motivates weight loss like squeezing into old jeans. Just try not to wear those maternity pants forever.
Step 9
Keep a rubber band on your wrist. When tempted by unhealthy snacks, stretch the band around your wrist to your forehead. That pressure headache will help you resist.
Step 10
Surround yourself with fit friends. If your social circle consists of marathon runners, you’ll be motivated to keep up with them—even if it means dragging yourself off the couch for a post-race beer.
Step 11
Hang out with unhealthy friends. Perhaps someone who’s caught a nasty cold. The more ailments your child brings home, the less likely you’ll feel up to eating, and those pounds will just fall away.
And if all else fails…
Step 12
Have another baby. While this won’t magically erase the baby weight, it gives you a perfect excuse to enjoy cream cheese eggs and comfy elastic pants once more.
For more insightful tips on fertility and family planning, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in boosting fertility for men, visit this link to learn more.
In summary, while shedding baby weight can seem daunting, a little humor and clever strategies can make the process more manageable. By following these steps, you’ll not only feel better but also be able to flaunt your progress among friends.
SEO Metadata
- Keyphrase: Shed baby weight tips
- Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]