Parenting
By Jamie Collins
Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 17, 2014
I find myself embodying the role of a helicopter parent. It’s not necessarily the parent I aspire to be, but the circumstances leave me little choice. I often wish I could adopt a more laid-back, free-spirited approach to parenting—like my own mother, who effortlessly balanced cooking and strumming her guitar while I explored the outdoors in West Virginia. My childhood was marked by spontaneous adventures, unburdened by the weight of grades or extracurriculars.
In stark contrast, I envision myself as the mom at school, armed with flashcards, an egg timer for violin practice, and fervently advocating for my children to have the best teachers available. Society places immense pressure on parents—particularly mothers—to adopt a relaxed stance, encouraging them to let their kids roam freely, play independently, and tackle homework solo. The condescending tone of many articles on this topic can be grating, suggesting that mothers are simply being “controlling”—a term that carries a distinctly gendered connotation. However, in today’s chaotic economic landscape, seeking to maintain some control is a completely rational response.
Recent research by two economists, one from Northwestern University and the other from the University of Zurich, provides insight into the phenomenon of helicopter parenting. Their findings reveal that escalating income inequality over the past four decades, coupled with the growing importance of education, has made this parenting style a logical choice. Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti summarize it well: “Children who fail to complete their education can no longer look forward to a secure, middle-class life, and consequently parents have redoubled their efforts to ensure their children’s success.”
Just yesterday at the playground, I encountered a mother who had spent a year in Sweden. “Is it true,” I asked, curiosity piqued, “that there’s free drop-in daycare there, where you can leave your kid for a short break?” She confirmed that it exists—almost free, as parents contribute a small portion of their income, with a cap in place. Health centers are accessible in every neighborhood for vaccinations and other medical needs, eliminating the fear of financial ruin from a doctor’s visit. College education is free there too.
The most striking contrast, she observed, is the relaxed demeanor of Swedish mothers. “There’s none of the stress, the frantic pace, or the anxiety that’s so prevalent among American parents.”
Now, about that anxiety—my helicopter parenting isn’t about exerting control but arises from the reality that my children have little room for error. If it were the 1960s, when a lackluster academic record didn’t spell disaster, perhaps I would allow them more freedom. They could embark on journeys of self-discovery, taking time off to find themselves while I cheerfully awaited their return. But today, the stakes are higher; failing to attend a good college—or worse, starting college and not finishing—could lead them into a mountain of debt with bleak job prospects.
For my generation, which began parenting at the onset of the recession, the fragility of the working and middle classes looms large. We all know individuals who have struggled to regain stability after job losses, seen retirement and college funds dwindled, or even faced foreclosure. My primary aim as a mother is to equip my children for a secure future, which involves navigating a path through college, and likely graduate school. This reality requires diligent effort from them, starting in elementary school.
While they’re still young, I find myself planning to be that helicopter parent—pushing for the best educational opportunities, overseeing their homework, perhaps hiring tutors if finances allow, and scheduling a multitude of extracurricular activities that are both enjoyable and beneficial.
It’s easy to label women as uptight or controlling, especially when their actions are reasonable responses to precarious situations. It’s time we acknowledge the existence of structural economic inequalities and understand that a parent’s drive to ensure their child’s success—whether through drilling math problems or insisting on piano practice—is entirely rational. According to Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti, I am not alone in this sentiment: “If the march towards higher inequality continues, the current era will mark the beginning of a sustained trend towards ever pushier parenting.”
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In summary, helicopter parenting may seem excessive, but in today’s societal context, it’s often a necessary approach to ensure children navigate a challenging future successfully.