Parenting
When Marriage Feels Overwhelming
by Emily Turner
Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 14, 2014
Nestled in the charming town of Wilmington, North Carolina, we enjoy the picturesque riverfront and a bit of Southern charm without being overly saturated in it. With breathtaking views of the Cape Fear River and beaches within easy reach, our community is a popular backdrop for weddings. Riverboats host lively celebrations, where brides twirl in flowing white gowns, and we often encounter revelers celebrating life in their chic attire.
Just a couple of weekends ago, my husband and I were savoring local craft beers at a brewery with our boys when a group of wedding guests arrived. They were animatedly debating the start time of the ceremony and their next destination. Youthful, attractive, and full of life, they reminded me of the days when that was us. I turned to my husband and reminisced, “Remember when we were in their shoes, caught up in wedding festivities?” We exchanged a gentle touch before our 3-year-old attempted to hurl a rock at a passing truck.
Fast forward to the following weekend, where I spent two days with friends engaging in deep, heartfelt discussions. While it was uplifting to connect, I couldn’t shake a sense of sadness. The recurring theme in our conversations was divorce. My friends resonated with one another, and their words echoed unsettling thoughts in my own mind. It dawned on me that as women, we are navigating a transformative phase.
We’ve shifted from carefree weekends of couplehood to grappling with heavy questions about our identities and whether our marriages are beyond repair. Many of the women in my circle are asking themselves two crucial questions: 1) Would I find more happiness outside of this marriage? and 2) Am I showcasing a healthy relationship for my child(ren)? We are filled with uncertainty and fear.
Right now, marriage feels burdensome. We are caught between envisioning a hopeful future and clinging to a past that holds painful memories and harsh words. Yet, we yearn for a future filled with adventures and the lifestyle we’ve always dreamed of. As we approach what should be our golden years, we still struggle to find time for ourselves, let alone finish a book.
Each year of motherhood brings its own challenges and growth, yet we crave reassurance. We long for someone to tell us, “You are amazing. I love you just as you are. There’s no need to change.” Our lives seem to revolve around drop-offs, pickups, team schedules, and the endless task of preparing frozen chicken nuggets. Amid this chaos, all we want is for our partner to inject some fun into our lives.
We’ve experienced numerous transitions, and honestly, we feel drained. It seems like every day presents new emotional demands, lessons to impart, and scrapes to bandage. We want to feel vibrant, desirable, and full of passion, but we often find ourselves covered in mud from our kids’ adventures, wiping snot with our sleeves.
Life is undeniably challenging right now. It’s a beautiful journey, a blessed adventure, yet it’s also chaotic. In the midst of this turmoil, our marriages can get lost in the shuffle and, at times, even pushed to the brink.
Navigating transitions is never easy, especially as we move from the demanding newborn phase to the more independent preschool and early elementary years. Parenting is a constant evolution.
One truth remains clear: marriage requires effort from both partners. At times, it resembles a newborn baby that needs nurturing, feeding, and cleaning up after. Yes, it will require care repeatedly, and sometimes all you can do is offer soothing words, even when you feel utterly drained.
Like parenting, sustaining a marriage demands commitment. It’s essential to work through the tough times, exercising patience and faith that your relationship will emerge stronger and more profound.
I often wish the men in our lives could comprehend this struggle. If only they could sense the emotional shifts we experience—changes we sometimes find difficult to articulate. There are moments when I want to shake them and plead, “Just hold us tight, cook dinner occasionally, and love us more. Show genuine interest in our lives.”
As for my friends, I can’t claim to have all the answers. Unless there are issues of abuse or infidelity, determining whether it’s time to part ways can be excruciatingly complex. Much like the riverboats gliding by, what appears blissful on the surface can conceal murky depths beneath.
I recognize that I’m in a loving relationship where commitment runs deep, but even in the best of circumstances, marriage can feel taxing. Yet, it’s also the one thing that makes me feel lighter and more accomplished in this challenging journey of life—even if society often views marriage as disposable. I’m committed to nurturing this relationship through the transitions and looking forward to the brightness of our future golden years. I want to urge my partner, “Treat our marriage as your precious new child.”
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Summary:
Marriage can feel overwhelming during the transitions of motherhood, filled with emotional demands and uncertainty. As women navigate their identities and relationships, they often find themselves questioning their happiness and the example they set for their children. Despite challenges, commitment and nurturing in marriage can lead to a deeper connection, even when it feels heavy.
Keyphrase: Marriage struggles
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