Let’s face it—modern etiquette seems to be fading fast. Blame it on smartphones, social media, or perhaps the younger generation glued to their screens.
At our last gathering, we invited 30 guests. Only two responded promptly to decline (out of town). Of the remaining 28, 13 let us know the day before that they would attend, while four said they wouldn’t. Four more texted on the morning of the event to confirm their attendance. One individual even messaged during the party to say, “Looks like I can’t make it,” as if he were escaping a trap and just lost motivation. The rest? No word at all—maybe they’ve vanished from the face of the earth.
This drives me crazy. Preparing for a party takes effort: I clean, tidy up, and stow away any embarrassing items (which I often can’t find again for days). I scrub the soap dish and tackle the chocolate smudges left by toddlers on the shower curtain because, according to my partner, a bathroom shouldn’t resemble a candy factory.
The most daunting task, however, is planning the food. I’ve had entire hams left over and legs of meat draped in decorative napkins, not to mention stale Christmas cookies. I’ve run out of snacks within the first hour of a gathering because it seems everyone suddenly decided to join in the fun. I’ve come to accept this chaotic approach to socializing as the norm now—a spontaneous style of entertaining.
So what’s a host to do? We still want to throw parties and connect with friends, even if they can’t commit to plans on a Tuesday for Saturday. (Truth be told, I’m often unsure of my own weekend plans too.) Nevertheless, it would be nice to gauge attendance ahead of time—the most disheartening turducken is the one you end up eating alone for days on end.
To gain some insight, I reached out to Jamie Parker, a seasoned cook and hostess, and the author of The Culinary Journey, who knows the art of hosting. She exudes a relaxed and cheerful demeanor that those of us who are a bit too uptight about etiquette would do well to emulate.
I asked her for advice on how to adapt to this RSVP dilemma. “First, focus on increasing your RSVPs,” she suggested. “I have a high response rate because I make my invitations exciting. I hype them up to sound like an extraordinary event—like bears on roller skates! Use enticing descriptions that capture attention.” (I admit, I wasn’t quite following her analogy.) “Create a vivid image. Mention the menu, the type of wine—make it sound bubbly. Stir the imagination, even if it’s a touch exaggerated, but for good reason.”
Okay, I get it: fizzy wine and lively entertainment. But what about the food? What if I’m left with a mountain of leftovers again?
“Out with the expensive fish, in with the sausages,” Jamie advised. “The dinner parties I hosted in my twenties just don’t work anymore. We had a recent gathering meant for six, but it ballooned to 13 at the last minute. I sprinted to the butcher for sausages. We made soufflés too, and they vanished quickly, so thank goodness for the sausages. Now, I tend to prepare dishes that can be frozen if leftovers occur—think hearty braises or picnic-style fare like charcuterie, cheese, and bread.”
So, note to self: stock up on sausages, hams, rolls, and other bite-sized treats in the freezer. Consider hosting a pulled-pork gathering!
Lastly, I asked Jamie how to cope with the frustration of modern RSVPs. She paused and replied thoughtfully, “If you struggle to manage your feelings when people RSVP at the last minute, then you may have larger issues to address—life’s bumps are bound to test your patience. If you remain positive, perhaps it will encourage others to do the same.”
This article was originally published on Sep. 30, 2014.
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Summary:
In today’s fast-paced world, RSVPing has become a lost art, leaving many hosts frustrated by last-minute confirmations or no responses at all. Expert hostess Jamie Parker offers practical advice for improving RSVP rates and managing food preparations, emphasizing the importance of creating engaging invitations and serving dishes that can be easily adjusted for unexpected guest counts. Ultimately, maintaining a cheerful attitude may inspire a more considerate response from invitees.
Keyphrase: RSVP etiquette
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