As the mother of an only child, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked when I’m planning to have another baby. My daughter just turned four, and every time I encounter someone in the grocery store or at a family gathering, I get bombarded with questions like, “Aren’t you worried about the age gap?” or “Isn’t she lonely?” I can feel the pressure to hurry up and start procreating again.
But here’s the truth: I have no desire to have more children.
When I share my decision to be “one and done,” people often respond with disbelief, as if I’ve committed some unspeakable offense. “But what about your child having a sibling?” they ask, or “Isn’t it easier with two kids since they can keep each other entertained?” I’ve pondered these points myself. Siblings can indeed be a wonderful part of life. I had an older sister who was my idol, and I cherished our adventures together. There are moments when I see siblings sharing a hug or engaging in playful antics, and I feel a twinge of sadness for my daughter, who won’t share that experience. Still, the desire to have another child just isn’t there.
Is that selfish? Perhaps, but also not entirely.
Every parenting style is shaped by our own childhood experiences. My parents worked long hours, and I often came home to an empty house, which led to a lot of solitary time. My sister, being three years older, had her own interests and wasn’t always eager to include me. I had a sibling, but she wasn’t there solely to keep me company, and my parents were preoccupied with their lives. Even in a house full of people, I often felt isolated.
When my daughter was born, I made a commitment to be present in a way I never experienced. I’m not a helicopter parent, but I’ve fully engaged in the journey of being a mother to an only child. Knowing this is my one shot at motherhood, I’ve made conscious choices, like co-sleeping and breastfeeding until she was three, and dedicating quality time each day just for her. I’ve immersed myself in her world, unlike my parents, who had to juggle multiple children.
While my child may not know the bond of having a sibling, she has a unique closeness with her parents. Some might argue that being the sole focus of our attention breeds selfishness, but I’ve seen the opposite in my daughter. She possesses a strong sense of security and confidence, knowing she doesn’t have to compete for love or attention. From a young age, she has grasped the concept of sharing, realizing that her friends will eventually leave, and all the toys will be hers again. This understanding fosters patience and generosity that often surpasses her peers with siblings.
Raising just one child has also given me the freedom to integrate her into my life rather than depending on childcare. We share many experiences together, from attending meetings to social events. Her exposure to adult conversations has enriched her vocabulary and cognitive skills far beyond her years.
Recently, my daughter asked when I would have another baby. My heart raced as I explained that it wasn’t in the plans. “Why not?” she asked, and I took a deep breath. “I love our life just the way it is, and I wouldn’t want to change anything. Is that okay with you?” After a moment of thought, she hugged me tightly and said, “Yes, Mommy, I’m happy too.”
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In conclusion, while there are undeniable benefits to having siblings, the decision to remain a family of three has been fulfilling for us. Every family is unique, and what matters most is the love and connection we create together.
Keyphrase: parenting as an only child
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