Ah, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: back-to-school shopping! If you’re like me, you probably procrastinate until the very last minute before the school year begins. But fear not! Here’s your ultimate 18-step guide to make this chaotic experience a little more manageable—and, dare I say, enjoyable.
- Download the supply list tailored for your child’s grade from the school’s website.
- Let out a deep breath accompanied by a dramatic sigh.
- Gather your kids and head to the nearest big-box store wearing comfortable shoes. A discreetly hidden water bottle filled with chardonnay is highly recommended.
- Navigate to the back-to-school aisle. If you can’t find it, look for bright colors and the faint echoes of broken promises.
- Pull out the supply list and a pen, determined to tackle this shopping spree in an organized manner.
- Begin with glue sticks. We need 12, but they come in packs of 10. Attempt to convince Child #1 that 10 is close enough to 12, only to be met with a disapproving stare because, oh yes, they can count. Discuss the risk of the teacher noticing the missing two.
- Abandon your mission when Child #2 suddenly declares an urgent need for the restroom, despite your earlier inquiry at the entrance.
- After the bathroom detour, you find washable glue for Child #2 but realize it’s not Elmer’s, as specified in ALL CAPS on the list. Toss the generic glue into the cart and pray for the best.
- Next up: “SHARP 5-inch pointed Fiskars scissors.” Isn’t sharp implied by pointed? Why the SHOUTING, school supply list? I’m trying my best here!
- Just as you regain focus, Child #1 announces her urgent need for the restroom. Take a long sip from your “water” bottle and make yet another trip.
- Return to the back-to-school section in search of three packs of 24-count Crayola crayons. Why not just buy a 64-count pack? Because Child #2 needs 72. Clearly, those extra 8 crayons are essential for kindergarten success.
- Grow increasingly suspicious that the school system colludes with retailers to drain parents of their sanity.
- Try to guide Child #1 toward a standard 5×8 plastic pencil box. Prepare for the inevitable eye-roll as she insists on an extravagant zebra-print version that has GPS and dispenses candy. Brace for the emotional fallout.
- Surprisingly, you find watercolor paint and dry erase markers without a hitch. Feel a fleeting sense of superiority over other parents.
- Only two items remain on your list. Take a celebratory sip from your water bottle.
- Stride over to find a latex-free Pink Pearl eraser. Realize there are no pink ones left—only blue and a SpongeBob-shaped eraser. This is unacceptable for an 11-year-old girl.
- Strike a deal with Child #1: one zebra-print supply box in exchange for the SpongeBob eraser. Accept that the power dynamics have shifted and move on.
- Finally, you locate unsharpened pencils. Spy a box of sharpened ones, open it, and break the leads off all 24 in front of your bewildered children. Place the now unsharpened pencils back in the box, toss them in your cart, and head for checkout.
Congratulations! You’ve successfully gathered 90 percent of the items on your list while avoiding the dreaded backpack section and a complete meltdown. Sure, you spent two hours doing this and forgot dinner, but Chinese takeout will do just fine for a celebratory feast!
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In summary, tackling back-to-school shopping can be a daunting task, but with a little strategy and humor, you can make it through relatively unscathed.
Keyphrase: Back-to-school shopping tips
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