Did you hear about that café owner who got upset over a child making a mess on the floor? Or that restaurant that decided to ban kids after 7 PM? I mean, come on. If you’re opening a restaurant, can you really expect my kid to behave like a tiny angel? Yeah, I don’t think so.
I genuinely feel awful when my kids turn into little tornadoes at a restaurant. The truth is, I’m usually too busy trying to keep them seated and prevent a full-on food disaster to consider how my chaos might be affecting the other diners and staff. When the meal finally wraps up, I’m just relieved, thinking, “Thank goodness that’s over!”
So, in the spirit of honesty, I’d like to extend an open apology to any waiter who has had the misfortune of serving my family. Here it goes:
Dear brave server,
Wow, we survived—barely! I get that this probably wasn’t the scene you envisioned when you donned that white apron at the start of your shift, so please accept my sincerest apologies for all the chaos we brought to your evening.
- I’m sorry my child decided to empty every sugar packet onto the table. I attempted to tidy up, but let’s face it, once they’re wet, it’s game over.
- I apologize for snickering when you mentioned the cocktail specials at the beginning. Trust me, I could use a drink or six, but it’s challenging to indulge when I’m managing two little rascals who struggle to eat without turning the table into a disaster zone. I promise to come back for that cocktail—maybe in 18 years, or tonight if my baby monitor works that far.
- I’m sorry for the minor incident when I laughed so hard I almost… well, you get it. Sometimes, post-baby bodies have a mind of their own!
- I apologize for bringing my own food for the kiddos and taking up more space at the table. I know you have a kids’ menu, but my picky eaters don’t touch chicken fingers or mac and cheese. If you ever consider adding peach yogurt or Pirate Booty, please let me know!
- I’m sorry the next table found jelly all over their clothing after we left. I should have warned you to check the underside of the table too.
- I regret that my kid decided to lick the cheese shaker. If I’d seen it sooner, I would’ve intervened, but I was too busy preventing my other child from dumping peach yogurt into my purse again.
- I apologize for my kid monopolizing the iPad during the meal and cranking up the volume. And yes, I also wonder why he’s four and still bald. Such a mystery!
- I’m sorry about the food explosion under my child’s highchair. I swear we didn’t bring a piñata along!
- I’m sorry about the wall incident. If you haven’t discovered it yet, you’ll definitely notice it soon.
- I apologize for the departure of the table of adults next to us. But hey, who needs to serve a bunch of rich overindulgers anyway, right?
- I’m sorry for the daggers I shot your way when you mistakenly offered us dessert. Moms are pros at lip-reading “Do you want a dessert menu?”
- I apologize for unbuttoning my pants during the meal and forgetting when I stood up. In my defense, I usually wear maternity jeans, but I thought I’d try on regular ones for the night out. Rookie mistake.
In any case, thank you for your patience and hard work. I hope the generous tip we left you helps make up for our chaotic dining experience. You truly deserve it.
See you next week!
Best,
You Know Who
For more insights on parenting and family planning, check out our other blog posts, including one on the Cryobaby At Home Insemination Kit. If you’re on a fertility journey, Couples’ Fertility Journey for Intracervical Insemination is a fantastic resource. Additionally, for a comprehensive understanding of intrauterine insemination, you can’t go wrong with this excellent resource: Resolve.
In summary, as parents, we sometimes bring a whirlwind of chaos wherever we go, especially to restaurants. With sincere apologies to those who have had to endure our antics, we appreciate the hard work of waitstaff everywhere.
Keyphrase: Apology to Restaurant Staff from a Parent
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]