During my college years, I found myself grappling with a traumatic experience that led me to seek solace in food, ultimately spiraling into a full-blown eating disorder. My mother uncovered my hidden struggle that summer, and upon returning to school in the fall, I began a series of counseling sessions with Dr. Thompson, a tough yet compassionate ex-military counselor who specialized in eating disorders. Just as I began to regain some control over my life, Dr. Thompson dropped a bombshell: “It’s time to involve your family.”
I can’t recall the journey to Dr. Thompson’s office or entering the room, but the scene remains vivid in my mind. My mother appeared anxious and pale, my father was stoic, and my sister looked bewildered. As the conversation unfolded, Dr. Thompson instructed me to illustrate my relationships with family members using lines—one line for weak connections and two lines for strong ones.
I quickly drew two lines connecting my name to my mother’s—no hesitation there. Next was my sister; despite our childhood squabbles, we had grown into close friends during high school, so I confidently drew another pair of strong lines. When it came to my father, however, I froze. Tears welled up in my eyes as I sketched a single, shaky line and stared at my shoes.
“Why just one line?” Dr. Thompson probed, and silence enveloped the room, heavy with unspoken truths. “Because I never feel good enough for him,” I blurted out, instantly regretting my words. I had been placing blame on him for my tumultuous teenage emotions, unable to recognize the truth: a father who was always present, quietly supporting our family and loving my sister and me unconditionally.
After that session, my father was tasked with writing me a letter to express his feelings. Days later, I received a small stack of hotel notepad paper that he had carefully penned. It struck me how significant this was for a man of few words; the letter encapsulated everything I longed to hear. He acknowledged the importance of expressing his feelings and promised to work on showing his love more openly. He ended with a hopeful note: “One day, we can draw that second line.” I still treasure that letter, tucked away in a special spot in my closet.
Despite not being the source of our relational issues, my father bore the weight of blame silently and lovingly. Years later, when my marriage faced challenges, it was my father who patiently helped me navigate budgeting to avoid bankruptcy, offering to drive to Atlanta to bring me home. Through these experiences, I learned what love truly looks like, preparing me to recognize it when I met my second husband.
The fundamental issue wasn’t that my father failed to express his love; rather, I needed to understand that love is demonstrated through actions, not just words. And this is the lesson I plan to impart to my son:
- Love is someone who replaces your soap when it’s almost gone.
- Love is someone who fills your gas tank so you don’t have to.
- Love is someone who celebrates your successes.
- Love is someone who stands up for you.
- Love is someone who says, “I believe in you; we can tackle this together.”
- Love means the words “I love you” are just the beginning of something much deeper.
I may have been a slow learner, but I ultimately understood that my father’s brand of genuine, quiet love outweighs any number of verbal affirmations. Dad, I hope you realize that I drew that second line a long time ago.
For more insightful discussions about family and relationships, check out our other articles, including insights on at-home insemination kits like those from Cryobaby and practical guidance from March of Dimes on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s personal journey through trauma and emotional misunderstandings with her father, ultimately realizing that love manifests in actions rather than just words. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing and appreciating different forms of love within family relationships.
Keyphrase: Understanding love through family
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]