Mommy guilt. Before I became a parent, it was a term I would dismiss with a laugh. Now, it’s something I grapple with daily, a formidable force that could consume me if I let it.
Prior to having children, I experienced guilt sparingly. But after welcoming my little ones, it became a constant companion. I feel guilty for not spending enough quality time playing with them or for cleaning the house instead of engaging in their playtime. I clean the house and then hesitate to let them play for fear of the mess. I don’t take them outside enough, despite the weather being perfect. When I do take them out, I worry about bug bites. I read with my oldest much more than with the younger kids, and I find myself questioning my discipline style—am I too strict or too lenient? I struggle with candy—sometimes I let them have it, other times I hide it away for my own enjoyment. I feel guilty for not organizing educational activities regularly—who am I kidding? I rarely do that at all! I didn’t breastfeed long enough, and I wonder if my diet during pregnancy caused my middle child’s food allergies. I let them watch too much TV, and occasionally, I even use it as a babysitting tool. I’ve gone shopping without them, even when they cried to come along. And then there’s the nagging thought that I should be grateful for this opportunity to stay home, while countless other mothers would give anything to be in my shoes. I feel like I yell too much, and honestly, any little thing can be a reason for guilt.
Many would suggest shaking off this guilt, asserting that it’s neither helpful nor productive. But the truth is, shedding the guilt of motherhood is nearly impossible. Instead, I’ve decided to embrace it.
Here’s my reasoning: if I’m not feeling guilty, it likely means one of two things: either I’ve achieved some unattainable perfection (which I know isn’t true!) or I’ve stopped caring altogether (and I truly hope that never happens). By embracing my guilt, I can do two things:
1. Acknowledge My Imperfections
First, I acknowledge that I’m not perfect. I strive for it, or at least I try to project that image. But when I accept my imperfections, I can focus on the more crucial task of loving my kids as an imperfect parent. This sets the stage for them to understand that perfection is an illusion, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Moreover, I can demonstrate to them how to mend any hurt caused by my imperfections.
2. Highlight My Care for My Children
Second, embracing my guilt highlights my care for my children. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything. The very fact that I’m concerned about my parenting decisions shows that I genuinely want the best for my kids. That realization brings me a sense of relief.
So, when mommy guilt creeps up on me, ready to take a bite, I will choose to face it head-on. I’ll embrace it, acknowledging how much love I have for my children. I’ll commit to addressing at least one thing that’s been weighing on my mind, and then I’ll send that guilt on its way, knowing it’ll be back before I even turn around.
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In summary, I’ve learned to embrace my mommy guilt as a sign of my commitment to my children and my journey as an imperfect parent. This acceptance allows me to focus on love rather than perfection.
Keyphrase: embracing mommy guilt
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