The 5 Wildest Comments I’ve Encountered as a Gestational Surrogate

infant holding mothers fingerlow cost ivf

I’m a woman who revels in the experience of pregnancy. From stretch marks to morning sickness and everything in between, I find the process of creating life utterly enchanting. The way a woman’s body can nurture a new being in less than a year is truly awe-inspiring. Feeling that tiny human kick and twist inside me is one of the greatest joys I’ve known. However, I have no desire to bring one of those adorable, sleep-seeking bundles home with me again. I’ve already had my fill with two wonderful children who can now articulate their thoughts quite eloquently.

Instead, I’m fulfilling my pregnancy cravings by carrying a baby for someone else. While gestational surrogacy is increasingly recognized in society, it remains shrouded in mystery for many. I’m always eager to discuss the ins and outs of this journey, but there are a few questions that can push an emotional surrogate to her limits.

1. How can you let go of a baby after carrying it for nine months? That’s just wrong!

Well, let’s put it this way: Are you worried your long-time babysitter will kidnap your child? Probably not. (If so, it might be time to find a new caregiver!) Reputable agencies typically require that surrogates already have at least one child of their own, ensuring they understand the challenges of newborns. Surrogates do develop a bond with the baby, akin to what a good babysitter might feel. However, we enter surrogacy with the understanding that the child isn’t ours to keep. Plus, witnessing the joy on the parents’ faces when they first meet their baby makes it easy to hand over their little one.

2. But seriously, won’t you feel like it’s your baby?

Since the baby isn’t genetically related to me—unless I’m carrying for a family member (in which case, I’d just stock up on “World’s Greatest Aunt” onesies)—the answer is no. The embryos are created by the intended parents or donors and implanted through IVF, not by the traditional method. So, it’s not about giving up a baby; it’s about returning them.

3. Isn’t surrogacy just for wealthy women and celebs who don’t want to gain weight?

If such parents exist, they’re the exception, not the norm. Most individuals who seek surrogates are everyday people who face challenges in starting a family. This includes same-sex couples, single dads, older couples, and those grappling with unexplained infertility. Some have faced life-threatening issues during childbirth or have undergone surgeries that prevent them from carrying a pregnancy. The common goal remains the same: to grow their family.

4. How much are you being paid? You must be rolling in cash!

Let me flip this around: What’s your salary? What are your political and religious views? Can I have a bite of your sandwich and perhaps your social security number? Asking about compensation is generally considered rude. The short answer is “not nearly enough.” Medical expenses are covered by the intended parents, and most surrogates receive some pre-birth compensation. But unlike traditional babysitters, it’s challenging to put a price on morning sickness, stretch marks, and the myriad of other joys that come with surrogacy. Trust me, financial gain isn’t the motivating factor here.

5. Why don’t they just adopt?

This question often comes from those who already have biological children. So, why didn’t you adopt? Why not choose from the seemingly endless supply of available babies instead of biologically creating one? The truth is A) that “endless supply” doesn’t exist, and navigating the adoption process can be both heartbreaking and prolonged. B) Some people wish to pass on a piece of their heritage. A gestational surrogate helps make that dream a reality.

Surrogacy is undeniably a rollercoaster ride filled with emotional highs and lows. Rest assured, when it’s all over and the beautiful baby rests in their parents’ arms, tears will flow. But these tears won’t stem from wanting to keep the baby; they’ll be tears of joy at witnessing the miracle we helped bring to life. We’ll cry because this incredible journey has reached its conclusion, and we know that once those wild postpartum hormones settle down, we might just want to do it all over again.

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Summary

Being a gestational surrogate is a remarkable journey filled with unique experiences and questions. Many misconceptions surround surrogacy, from feelings of attachment to financial motivations. Ultimately, surrogates help fulfill the dreams of those who wish to grow their families, offering an incredible gift while also navigating their own emotional landscape.

Keyphrase: gestational surrogacy experiences

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