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Navigating the Playground of Parenthood with Your Mom Buddy
by Lila Thompson
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: April 28, 2014
Did you believe your days of dating were behind you once you found your life partner? Well, think again! Here’s a glimpse into what it’s like to hit third base with your mom friend — and trust me, it’s a whole different ball game.
So, you think you’ve reached third base? Buckle up, because it’s about to get real. This level is not for the faint-hearted or those trying to keep up appearances. Even if you can maintain a somewhat put-together front for a couple of hours, your little ones will have no qualms about revealing the truth. When you reach third base, your kids are on their home turf, which means they’ll act like they do at home. Your friend will witness how your kids truly behave and how you handle (or sometimes don’t handle) the chaos. Yeah, it’s a wild ride.
Let me share a recent experience I had on a so-called third-base outing. Everything started pretty smoothly until my friend’s 3-year-old decided to unleash a disaster in the upstairs bathroom, using an entire roll of toilet paper in the process. As she strolled out, apparently indifferent to the hand-washing concept, I stepped into a bathroom scene that looked like a scene from a horror film — a toilet filled with what can only be described as a murky swamp of floaters. I did what any decent host would do: I turned around and walked right out. I thought, “If I don’t see it, it’s not happening, right?”
But then, my own 3-year-old’s shrieks echoed from downstairs. Entering that bathroom was an olfactory assault of epic proportions. My daughter had turned her potty time into a full-on art project, smearing feces everywhere. All I could manage to gasp was, “How?!?” as I tried to make sense of the situation. While she washed her hands, I quickly disposed of her soiled clothes, praying my friend remained blissfully unaware of the chaos playing out just a floor away.
Once I finally cleaned up the bathroom (which took a mini-forever), I whisked the little Poopie Monster upstairs for an emergency bath. After a new outfit and what felt like a marathon of hand washing, I returned to the couch to chat with my friend about our “typical” mom days. Little did she know, I might have been a walking disaster zone just moments before.
But wait, it gets better! Once my friend and her crew departed, another friend showed up with her gaggle of kids. I must admit, my charm must be on point because clearly, I’m a mom-dating magnet. When she asked where the bathroom was, I braced myself. Sure enough, she returned with tales of her near-miss with a poop-smeared toilet seat — courtesy of my second child or perhaps some remnants left behind by the previous visitor. You might wonder how one could die of embarrassment, but trust me, I gave it a good try and failed.
The next day, as I ascended the stairs, I stumbled upon dried excrement on our banister. Ah, third base! Not every outing involves such grossness, and most people don’t have friends cycling through their homes like they’re at a coffee shop. Yet, this is the reality of third base — messy, unfiltered, and absolutely real.
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In summary, hitting third base with your mom friend is a wild journey filled with unexpected messes and reality checks. It’s a space where you can truly be yourself — and sometimes that means embracing the chaos.
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