My son’s workspace doubles as a showcase for what might be the largest collection of unmerited trophies. Okay, “largest” might be a stretch—many kids likely boast similar assortments of accolades, medals, and certificates just for showing up. By the time my son completed his elementary schooling, he had amassed a mountain of awards, leading onlookers to believe he was the top kid in the world.
Now, don’t get me wrong; my son wasn’t exactly the next football star (he once asked his coach if he could sit out because his uniform felt scratchy), and during the community soccer tournament, he might have stumbled over the ball more times than one should at the age of eight. Yet, his trophy case is a testament to his “athletic prowess.”
While some children genuinely excel and earn their trophies through merit, it feels like a greater number are simply rewarded for their mere presence. I fully support my son’s self-esteem and have never ridiculed him for any strikeouts in baseball. Like any devoted parent, I’ve given him that encouraging smile, coupled with a reassuring, “Good try,” even when it was clear that his athletic skills were lacking—likely a result of my own clumsy genes.
I appreciate celebrating effort, but if there were an award for the most self-assured child (even in situations where it’s not deserved), my son would undoubtedly take home the gold. However, the notion of handing out trophies simply for participation doesn’t align with my vision of fostering genuine confidence.
If my son didn’t earn that trophy, why should he receive one? Does it genuinely enhance his self-worth or merely endorse the idea that mediocrity is acceptable? Are we nurturing a generation that believes showing up is enough to warrant recognition? For example, a friend of mine who teaches college has had multiple parents reach out, baffled as to why their brilliant children didn’t secure an A in her class. Perhaps it’s because they didn’t earn it.
I don’t want my son to grow up assuming he can coast through life and still receive accolades or trophies (even if it’s for seventh place). I’d prefer he learns the importance of hard work and earning accomplishments through his own efforts. Imagine if adulthood operated on the principle of “everyone gets a trophy”—applying for your dream job? Just show up, and it’s yours! Want a spot in an elite PhD program? Congratulations, everyone gets in!
I’m not saying we shouldn’t encourage our children or help them feel valued. The next time your child feels upset because Johnny snagged first place at the swim meet and they left empty-handed, calmly explain that not everyone can win all the time. That shiny, metallic trophy may glimmer, but “winning” it merely for being present doesn’t motivate your child to strive for success. I love my son dearly and only want the best for him.
I certainly don’t want to be that parent calling his college professors years down the line, pleading for an A on his assignments. Instead, I want him to grasp that true achievement comes from hard work and dedication.
This article was originally published on April 16, 2014.
In summary, while participation trophies may seem harmless, they can inadvertently send the message that effort alone is enough for recognition. It’s crucial to foster a mindset that values hard work and merit to prepare our children for future challenges.
Keyphrase: participation trophies and self-esteem
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