Updated: Aug. 3, 2016
Originally Published: April 9, 2014
I still vividly remember the first time I stumbled upon a photo of a stillborn baby. It was on a pregnancy forum where expectant mothers, including myself, shared due dates for April 2007. Pregnant with my first child, I was unsettled and scared by the image. I couldn’t grasp why a mother would choose to display such a heartbreaking picture in a place meant for joyous anticipation.
Fast forward to December 2011, when I experienced the harrowing reality of delivering identical twin girls at thirty weeks gestation. They were afflicted by Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), a condition that impacts identical twins. Tragically, one of my precious daughters passed away just two days after her birth. In the wake of that loss, I found myself sharing a photo of my daughter, dressed in her white gown, taken shortly after she had departed this world. I even printed, framed, and displayed it prominently in my living room.
In that moment, everything changed for me. Suddenly, I became a member of a sorrowful community of grieving mothers, and those once-disturbing images transformed into poignant symbols of love. I finally understood why a mother would make her stillborn baby the focus of her online presence; those fleeting moments of connection with their child are all that remain. There will be no first birthday celebrations, no trips to the zoo, no milestones to celebrate. Just those cherished moments of meeting their child and saying farewell.
I recognize that such images can evoke discomfort. Death is inherently unsettling, and it’s often challenging to know how to respond. A picture of a baby who has left this world confronts our deepest fears as parents. However, it’s important to remember that these images are not about our feelings; they are about a grieving parent holding onto every shred of memory they can find, urging the world to remember their child.
We, the mothers who have lost children, share an unbreakable bond forged through shared sorrow. Many of us are determined to ease the pain for those parents who are new to this “club”—a club none of us ever wished to join, but one for which we have paid the highest dues.
Around six months after losing my daughter, I started to write and blog about my grief, pain, and daily life. Through this journey, I connected with other bereaved parents, unlocking a world filled with stories of loss, resilience, and survival that have inspired me to move forward.
One common thread among us, regardless of whether our loss was due to early miscarriages, later pregnancy, or losing an older child, is the unwavering desire to affirm that we will always be our child’s mother. Whether holding them in our arms or cradling them in our hearts, our love remains steadfast. This is why we share those photographs—each one a testament to the love and devotion we feel for our children, taken away too soon.
To all grieving mothers: you will always be their mother. And to the fortunate mothers nurturing their children here on earth: the next time you see a mother post a picture of her stillborn baby, or an infant who passed shortly after birth, try not to react with disgust or discomfort. Remember, for her, that image is all she has left.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the profound emotions surrounding infant loss, sharing the journey of understanding grief and the significance of cherishing memories. It highlights the importance of empathy towards grieving parents and the enduring love they hold for their children.
Keyphrase: infant loss awareness
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