Last weekend, as we drove home from a grueling sports tournament amidst a torrential downpour, my kids eagerly proposed extending the fun by catching a movie. Honestly, my eyelids were getting heavy just picturing my warm, inviting bed. If I weren’t the one behind the wheel, I might have dozed off right then and there.
Me: “Oh wow, that sounds like a fantastic idea! But wait—did I mention that they don’t show movies after 8 PM on Sundays? Bummer. Maybe we can try again tomorrow.”
Yes, I’m quite skilled at tossing out a well-timed fib. My daughter, Mia, age 9, accepted this information without question and returned to her game on my phone. Meanwhile, my 12-year-old son, Liam, paused from his device and quipped, “Mom, they have an 8:15 showing.”
Ah, the internet! It’s ruining my last line of defense against madness!
Here’s the reality: Moms tell lies. We do it because a quick, crafty fib can mean the difference between a peaceful evening and a trip to the loony bin. We mothers are masters of deception, and this tactic is one of our most effective tools—at least until our little ones learn to Google everything.
Of course, our fabrications come in various forms. Some are universal truths, while others are ingeniously crafted lies meant to stave off meltdowns, arguments, or simply grant us a fleeting moment of tranquility. Here are some of the classic tall tales that moms spin to keep their sanity intact, protect their furniture, and save time and money. Feel free to borrow any that suit your needs!
- Drive-thrus don’t offer ketchup.
- The lunch lady contacts me when you leave your sandwich uneaten.
- Our cat has a Moon Sand allergy, so we can’t have it in the house—it’s for her well-being.
- No Tooth Fairy money for you last night? That’s because she doesn’t work on the third Tuesday of the month. I should’ve mentioned that. She’ll surely stop by tonight.
- Replacement batteries for that toy? They’re not available.
- Harry Styles disapproves of kids who don’t listen to their parents. Now, brush those teeth and don’t forget to floss!
- Cartoons don’t air at night because that’s when the characters rest.
- The ice cream truck only plays that jingle when it’s out of ice cream.
- Bummer, but the movies, arcade, and bowling alley close at 6 PM on weeknights.
- The restaurant Daddy and I are going to doesn’t allow kids; otherwise, we’d take you. The waitstaff uses bad language.
- This isn’t a brownie; it’s a breakfast bar loaded with protein, fiber, and even spinach! Want one?
- Animals are thrilled to be eaten; it brings them joy to be chosen as your meal. Here’s some chicken—go on, make it happy.
- Unicorns are real, but you can only see them if you’ve been exceptionally good. Haven’t seen one yet? You need to up your good behavior!
- Babies come from the internet, and that baby sister you wanted is currently on back-order.
- Chuck E. Cheese’s is exclusive to birthday parties; you have to be invited to attend.
- What do the signs say? Um, no running, no touching, and no talking. (I’m really in trouble when he learns to read!)
- If we take those stuffed animals out of the store, they’ll be lonely without their friends.
- The ultimate mom lie: “I’m your mother; I would never lie to you!”
This article was originally published on March 14, 2014.
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In summary, moms often resort to creative fibs to navigate the chaos of parenting. These clever tales can provide temporary relief, allowing us to maintain our sanity amidst the daily challenges of raising children.
Keyphrase: Lies moms tell their kids
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