I consider myself fortunate to share my life with a husband who is not only a fantastic father but also seems destined to outlive me. You may wonder why I believe this. Here are my thoughts:
-
He’s Not the Keeper of All Things
Daily, my kids present me with an array of items to “hold”: half-eaten lollipops, small toys they’ve procured from that hygienic paradise known as Chuck E. Cheese, or my daughter’s current fascination: rubber bands collected from the sidewalk. While I diligently consume vitamin C, I’m constantly fending off colds. My doctor even noted that I was the only patient over the age of 5 diagnosed with double pink eye in 2013! -
He’s Selectively Deaf
While he’s not truly deaf, he’s certainly perfected the art of selective hearing. When our kids call out for water, it’s always me who responds. Eventually, they stop calling for him altogether. That means while I’m bound to hear “MomMomMomMommyMommyMammaMamaMomMomMOMMY!!!” echoing in my mind for decades, he’ll be blissfully unaffected. -
He Sleeps Like a Rock
This probably ties back to the previous point. I’m aware of every cough, sigh, and tiny noise coming from our kids, even when they’re on another floor. My husband, however, slumbers soundly, knowing I’ll take care of everything from requests for extra blankets to the more serious matters, like that time I had to wake him up to tell him I was heading to the ER with our son due to severe jaw pain. Honestly, “sleeping like a father” seems much more accurate than “sleeping like a baby.” -
I’m the Emergency Contact
As the first-listed emergency contact for school, I receive all the calls—from “Are your children bus or pickup today?” to the dreaded “This is the school nurse…”. Each time that call comes through, my heart races, and I feel the need for a medical check-up myself. -
He Outsmarted Me on Kid Responsibilities
Somehow, I ended up with the unenviable trifecta of sunscreen application, nail clipping, and thank-you note supervision. The tears these tasks have generated could fill a small pool, and the kids certainly aren’t fond of them either. -
He Understands Kids Are Capable
My husband recognizes that our kids have opposable thumbs and can reach most surfaces in our home. He knows they can prepare their own sandwiches when hungry, eventually brush their own teeth, and wait a few minutes for him to help them locate batteries for the remote. This is in stark contrast to my tendency to micromanage their lives. It’s this laid-back approach that I deeply envy and hope to adopt. If I can manage that, perhaps I won’t become that quirky old lady at the bus station after all.
For further insights into family planning and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. Additionally, if you’re interested in the tools for self-insemination, you can find valuable options like the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo or the Cryobaby At-Home Insemination Kit.
In summary, my husband’s unique qualities and laid-back approach to parenting give him a significant advantage in the longevity department. While I juggle the chaos of life, he seems to float through it.
Keyphrase: husband will outlive wife
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]