The Great Nudity Debate: Is It Okay to Be Naked in Front of Your Kids?
For me, it’s a thumbs-up. For my partner, Alex, it’s a resounding thumbs-down. We present two contrasting messages to our children and, like with everything else in parenting, we’re just hoping we don’t mess them up.
Growing up in an open-minded family, I have vivid memories of my father’s large, hairy physique, complete with a small, droopy backside and skinny legs. I would often catch glimpses of him in various states of undress, whether he was getting out of the shower or checking himself in the mirror. As a young girl, I remember thinking, “That looks like an elephant’s trunk.” It was, well, less than appealing. I was definitely grateful to be a girl.
My mother always insisted, “It’s just a body.” Or she’d gently remind me, “Honey, put some clothes on; the kids are getting older.” With two brothers in the house, I was familiar with the male anatomy. I knew what a penis was, and aside from being intrigued by their ability to stand and pee, it didn’t really concern me.
Then there was my mom. I have fond memories of showering with her when I was little, marveling at her femininity. I often wondered when I would look like her. Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret answered many of my questions as I grew older. My mom never made a fuss about nudity. I can still picture her in her white, silky panties and strapless bra, joking about her body while patting her stomach and saying, “Everything sags with age.” I thought she was beautiful, even if she couldn’t see it herself.
In my teenage years, though, things took a different turn. I remember my mom walking around in a sheer black negligee, completely oblivious to the fact that I found it mortifying. “None of us want to see you practically naked, especially my brothers!” I exclaimed. Ironically, they don’t recall it at all. Go figure. That was just my mom.
As a child, I found nudity beautiful; as a teenager, I deemed it inappropriate. What was once acceptable suddenly felt wrong. But how do you determine when it’s no longer okay?
My partner, Alex, comes from a completely different background. Raised in a conservative Christian household, discussions of nudity were off-limits. Fast forward to our life today with two young daughters, Emma, 6, and Lily, 4.
I often walk around without clothes in front of our girls. I’m not an exhibitionist, mind you; I don’t prance around the house naked (not when they’re awake, anyway). However, I don’t rush to cover up when they enter my room.
Just the other day, while showering with Lily, our exchange went like this:
Lily: “Will I have boooobs?” (pointing at mine and giggling)
Me: “They’re called breasts, and yes, you will.”
Lily: “Eww, I don’t want them. What are those round pokey things sticking out called again?”
Me: “Nipples.”
Lily: “Oh, yeah. That’s where milk comes from for babies.”
Me: “Yep, amazing, isn’t it?”
Lily: “Your tummy is big.”
Me: “Things look bigger from down there.”
When she pointed out my belly, I instinctively joked but quickly tried to recover. Dismissing her observation would mean ignoring her feelings. But acknowledging it with a comment about needing to exercise? That might send the wrong message about body image.
In contrast, Alex locks our bedroom door whenever he showers. He’s firm about wanting privacy and doesn’t want to “scar the girls for life.” I doubt they’ve ever seen him naked beyond a towel around his waist. I don’t want them to view nudity as taboo, but I also don’t want them to think it’s something they should be overly curious about. When I tell them, “Daddy needs privacy,” they giggle and shout, “He’s nakey!”
For me, growing up in a household with more males than females made nudity, along with other bodily functions, feel ordinary. I was never as curious about boys as my friends who didn’t have brothers or openly naked fathers. My friends would come over and study my brothers with fascination, as if they were extraterrestrial beings.
I can’t help but wonder if my approach is overcompensating. Will my daughters become more curious about nudity because of the mystery surrounding it?
I wish there were a parenting manual on the right level of nudity that fosters body positivity without crossing boundaries. Like many aspects of parenting, it’s a learning process, and I can only hope I’m getting it right this time.
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In summary, navigating the topic of nudity in front of children can be a delicate balancing act between openness and privacy, shaped by personal experiences and family backgrounds.
Keyphrase: parenting and nudity
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