My partner Jake and I own one of those single-serve coffee machines that uses those little pods. While they’re pretty convenient, I know they’re not great for the environment and probably come with a laundry list of other negative impacts. Yet, we can’t seem to agree on an alternative, so we find ourselves sticking to this machine. Each morning, we push the button, grateful for coffee without having to make yet another decision.
The other day, I experienced a particularly vivid moment of decision fatigue while attempting to make my morning coffee. All I needed to do was press a button—something even a monkey could manage. But instead, I neglected to place the coffee cup beneath the spout, resulting in a messy spill across the counter. I stood there, struck by the realization that I was utterly drained.
For years, I’ve blamed my exhaustion on my young children. Their constant demands—runny noses, sleepless nights, and early mornings—have certainly taken a toll on my physical energy. But recently, I’ve recognized an additional layer to my fatigue: mental exhaustion. This phenomenon, often referred to as “decision fatigue,” has become a significant part of my daily life as a mother.
As detailed in a recent article on Elite Daily, decision fatigue is a psychological state where one’s productivity declines due to the overwhelming nature of making numerous trivial decisions. It’s not the weight of the decisions themselves, but their sheer volume that can leave me mentally drained. Some days, I can’t even remember the name of the coffee machine, let alone make a decision about which one to replace it with.
The article highlights how influential figures, like President Obama, simplify their wardrobe choices to conserve mental energy for more critical decisions. I can relate to that sentiment. With my mind clouded by countless mundane choices, I often worry about my capacity to tackle life’s more significant challenges. Am I spending so much mental energy on trivialities that I’m losing the strength to focus on what truly matters—like nurturing my children and preparing them for the decisions they will face in life?
Mornings typically start with a whirlwind of demands:
- 5:59 AM: Can I play video games?
- 6:02 AM: The baby is crying—what does she need?
- 6:03 AM: Where are my toys?
And the barrage continues…
In that first hour, I find myself making choices for four different people every few minutes. This doesn’t leave much time for basic self-care, like using the restroom or brewing coffee. I often contemplate existential questions like, “Why isn’t the game working?”
As I mop up spilled coffee with a collection of dish towels, I realize I’m exhausted for all the wrong reasons. I think about adopting a “mommy uniform” to simplify my life—a way to minimize decisions. But beyond comfortable clothing, I need to establish boundaries that allow their questions to bounce back to them, teaching them to navigate their own choices. My role isn’t to make decisions for them but to guide them in finding relevance amid life’s noise.
In these moments of parenting, I often find my own lessons. So, I consciously make a loving decision: I choose to let them figure things out. I encourage them to make choices, whether it’s finding their pajamas or deciding on a snack, and I remind them that I’ll be here when they need me.
As we celebrate Chanukah, we’re making memories and latkes, and I find that I’ve conserved just enough energy for these precious moments.
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In summary, motherhood comes with its unique challenges, especially when it comes to decision fatigue. The constant barrage of questions and choices can leave us mentally drained, but through love and guidance, we can empower our children to navigate their own paths.
Keyphrase: decision fatigue in motherhood
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