When diagnosed with breast cancer, it’s common to remember the moment you received the news but forget much of what followed. I still recall the day vividly: I was celebrating my 45th birthday, with two young sons aged 10 and 12, after moving from Maryland to Texas. With no family nearby and just starting to forge new friendships, it felt like my world was crumbling.
Reflecting on my eight-year journey since that diagnosis, I’ve compiled some key insights that would have made navigating this path easier, especially for mothers with children. Here are eight pieces of advice aimed at helping other moms who may find themselves in similar circumstances.
1. Communicate Openly But Simply With Your Kids
Children are perceptive and often pick up on changes. Instead of trying to shield them from the truth, share what they can understand. I explained that I had cancer but reassured them that it wasn’t contagious and that my doctors were helping me. I also mentioned I’d have many appointments and might feel exhausted at times, but their dad and I were there for them. This conversation gave me a purpose and helped them feel involved. A tip: take them along to see the treatment facility; it can demystify the process and alleviate fears.
2. Establish Cancer-Free Evenings
Once word got out about my diagnosis, phone calls from concerned family and friends flooded in, especially during evenings when my kids needed me most. To maintain a sense of normalcy, I decided to reserve evenings for family time and avoided discussing my illness after hours. It was tough to set this boundary, but it was liberating and allowed me to focus on my boys.
3. Take Time to Explore Your Treatment Options
Understanding that my diagnosis was just the beginning was crucial. I had to be my own advocate. The decisions regarding my treatment were ultimately mine, and I soon learned that I could take the time to research and gather information. Don’t rush into decisions; slow down and weigh your options. Meetings with healthcare professionals can help clarify your path forward.
4. Recognize That It’s Not Your Fault
In the aftermath of my diagnosis, I wrestled with feelings of guilt, wondering if I had caused my cancer through stress or lifestyle choices. Many people shared their theories about the origins of cancer, which often left me feeling blamed. It’s vital to understand that cancer isn’t a punishment or a result of personal failings. Life can be stressful, but it doesn’t equate to deserving an illness.
5. Plan Post-Treatment Rewards
As I faced treatment decisions, I learned it was essential to find something to look forward to after each appointment. I opted for surgery, followed by radiation and medication. I scheduled my treatments right before picking up my youngest from school; seeing his joy when I arrived became my motivation and comfort after each session.
6. Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Help
I struggled with accepting help, a common challenge for many moms. When people offered assistance, it was often vague. Instead, I appreciated specific offers like picking up my son or bringing over a meal. Some days were incredibly challenging, but accepting help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a necessary part of coping.
7. Politely Decline Cancer Stories
While friends and acquaintances often shared cancer stories in an attempt to relate, I found it unhelpful. Even positive anecdotes can feel overwhelming and create pressure to meet expectations. What I really needed was someone to listen to my experiences without any judgments.
8. Embrace a Personal Mantra
Initially, I dismissed the idea of mantras and deep breathing as overly sentimental. However, I found myself holding my breath during stressful moments. Creating a mantra and visualizing enjoyable things, like chocolate, helped me cope. It’s about finding what brings you peace during turbulent times—everyone has their own “happy place.”
In retrospect, my diagnosis was not the end of the world but rather a turning point. I continue to apply lessons learned throughout my journey as I watch my sons grow into young men.
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