When I was a child, I referred to my father by his first name. My family was a blended one; my mother had lost her first husband in a tragic accident, which left her with a young daughter. In my admiration for my older sibling, I mimicked her behavior as much as I could. For several years, my dad was known as Larry, which for me simply meant Dad. I distinctly remember one evening, while my parents were watching the news, I remarked, “Don’t worry, her Larry will find her,” in reference to a lost girl.
I frequently used the first names of adults during my childhood. My godparents were Tom and Sarah, while our neighbor was Lisa. My dad even had a friend nicknamed Sparky, and that was how I addressed him as well.
However, if you consult Karen Jameson from the Daily Herald, she might argue that my actions were inappropriate and my parents should have corrected me right away. She believes that moving away from the formal Mr./Mrs. Lastname tradition signals a troubling subconscious shift away from showing respect for authority figures. We might also be overly focused on nurturing our children’s self-esteem, leading them to feel equal to everyone, including adults.
In my experience working at daycares and volunteering in schools, most children who called me by my first name didn’t seem to struggle with understanding the adult-child hierarchy. They still respected me and followed my guidance without issue. I don’t believe that simply turning 18 magically elevates someone to a higher status. Often, I feel like I’m still figuring out this whole adulthood thing. I can’t be Mrs. Taylor because that woman seems to have everything together; Jessica, however, is more likely to order pizza on a random Wednesday because cooking feels like too much work.
I find the idea of a rigid divide between children and adults unsettling. While I want my kids to respect adults, I also want them to feel comfortable talking to them. As they grow older, when I inevitably become less cool, it would be great if they had trustworthy adults they could turn to for advice. We all remember those awkward conversations with our parents about drugs, sex, or peer pressure—moments where we wished we could disappear because we thought our parents didn’t know anything. I hope my kids can get reliable information without having to sift through the chaos of the internet, which can be a breeding ground for misinformation.
On the flip side, I want children to understand that adults are not infallible and don’t inherently possess authority over them. Sometimes, it’s important to challenge adults, as we can be wrong or lack empathy. Some adults are harmful and should be avoided. Age is not a reliable indicator of someone’s worthiness or character.
To be fair, Ms. Jameson claims that respect must be earned but also states that using titles like Mr. or Mrs. helps establish a respectful relationship. I disagree; not every relationship needs to be characterized by respect. Many people in our lives only warrant a basic level of tolerance. It’s not solely up to one party, especially the younger individual, to foster respect.
Despite the past generations who adhered strictly to the Mr./Mrs. tradition, we currently face a crisis in how we care for our elders. According to the Brookings Institute, we have a “woefully inadequate” workforce for elder care. Many workers earn incomes below the poverty line while holding only high school diplomas or less. Additionally, the National Center on Elder Abuse indicates that 1-2 million Americans over 65 experience some form of elder abuse, with the actual number likely much higher since only one in 14 incidents is reported to authorities. They estimate around 5 million elderly Americans fall victim to financial exploitation each year.
So, feel free to ask kids to call you whatever you prefer, whether it’s Mrs. Jameson or something more whimsical like Lady Sparkle Unicorn. But let’s not pretend that using first names is a novel practice that undermines respect; it has existed long before us.
In conclusion, while the debate about how children should address adults continues, it is vital to remember that respect can take many forms. Encouraging open communication between kids and adults can build trust while still maintaining appropriate boundaries.
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