When I discovered I was expecting a baby girl, my heart soared with joy. I could hardly contain my excitement as I envisioned buying frilly outfits and maybe even matching tutu ensembles. However, beneath that excitement lay a deep-seated fear about raising a daughter—one that I thought might be beyond my capabilities. After all, I’ve spent years grappling with an eating disorder. I’ve wrestled with binge eating, compulsive overeating, negative self-image, body dysmorphia, and obesity for much of my life. At 28, I underwent bariatric surgery, a decision that I now realize should have been replaced with a commitment to therapy. This led to a period of anorexia. I have fluctuated between sizes, from 300 pounds to nearly 100, perpetually dissatisfied with whatever number I saw.
So, how could I teach my little girl to embrace herself when I’m still on that journey? How would I instill in her the understanding that she has boundless potential and immense value, when I’ve spent so much time judging myself by what the scale says? For so long, I felt either “too much” or “not enough”—how could I reassure this precious little being that she was “just right,” even while growing in my belly? I can’t shield her from every pitfall, but I can create guiding principles for our lives:
- Avoid the “Shoulds.” Women often impose unrealistic expectations upon themselves, adhering to rigid standards of who we are supposed to be and how much we should weigh. This habit leads to guilt and shame, which can spiral into a dark place. Instead of “shoulding,” let’s focus on affirming ourselves.
- Daily Affirmations. Shift your focus from perceived flaws to what you can achieve. Challenge negative self-talk by recognizing your uniqueness and accomplishments. Look in the mirror and affirm your worth. It might feel silly, but those affirmations are the first step to self-love.
- Support One Another. Don’t impose “shoulds” on your friends, either. Instead, celebrate their imperfections. A solid sisterhood of friends who accept you as you are can help keep you grounded.
- Food as Fuel. Food isn’t your friend or enemy, just a means to nourish your body. In my early years, food was my only comfort, but I learned that true fulfillment comes from within, not from what’s on my plate.
- Release Guilt and Shame. Guilt and secrecy breed shame, which can lead to addiction. Forgive yourself and move forward. Remember, the people who truly care about you will also forgive you.
- Ditch Perfection. The concept of perfection is an illusion. Our flaws make us distinctive, and striving for perfection only leads to disappointment. Embrace your reality instead.
- Live Authentically. I spent too long trying to fit others’ expectations, which only led to unhappiness. Finding joy in my own truth has been transformative.
- Your Value Isn’t Defined by Size. Don’t let the scale dictate your self-worth. It’s just a number, and you are so much more than that.
My pregnancy brought challenges—morning sickness, swollen limbs, and a few embarrassing moments. Yet, for the first time, I truly appreciated my body for what it could do. The grip of my eating disorder has finally loosened, allowing me to find a sense of peace. I used to pray for a different body; now, I pray for the strength to guide my daughter away from the path I once traveled.
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Summary
In this heartfelt narrative, Lila Thompson reflects on her journey to overcome an eating disorder while preparing to raise a daughter. She emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance, empowering affirmations, and the need to break free from societal pressures surrounding body image and perfection. Through a series of guiding principles, Lila aims to create a nurturing environment for her daughter, ensuring that she grows up embracing her worth.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Eating Disorders
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