Summer is my least favorite season. It’s sweltering, I’m constantly drenched in sweat, and the chaotic schedule seems to change at the drop of a hat. I’m left to entertain bored, whiny kids while juggling work responsibilities. Plus, I find myself reminding them to eat regular meals and get some fresh air instead of being glued to video games and YouTube all day.
But one of the worst parts of summer? School supply shopping. This annual event fills me with dread, surpassing even my most vivid apocalyptic nightmares. The supply list is lengthy and filled with overly specific items that are nearly impossible to find. By the time I’ve completed my shopping expedition, I’ve spent a fortune—more than a car payment—hopping from store to store. It feels like a punishment for wishing summer away and eager for the kids to return to school.
Here are six things I’d rather be doing than scouring the aisles for school supplies:
- Undergoing Multiple Root Canals: The time spent and the trips to the dentist would still feel shorter than the endless search for that elusive 10-pack of washable markers (only classic colors, no pastels!) and those 5, 1-inch white binders with pockets. Plus, the dental work might actually end up being cheaper.
- Teaching a Room Full of Preschoolers to Tie Their Shoes: Trust me, this would be less exasperating than spending hours hunting for supplies only to discover that the 2-pocket blue folders I fought through heaps of folders to find were supposed to be plastic, not paper.
- Expressing My Dog’s Anal Glands: I assure you, the odor would be far less offensive than the pungent mix of sweat and desperation radiating from other weary parents battling the same shopping nightmare—often with cranky kids in tow.
- Giving Up Bacon for a Whole Year: The grief I’d experience from this sacrifice would be far less than the anguish of pulling out clumps of hair as I stand in line at the fifth store, only to learn they’ve run out of the school-approved white Magic Rub erasers.
- Getting a Full Body Wax, Including My Nasal Hair: The discomfort would be nowhere near as intense as the blood-curdling scream from my daughter when she realizes those coveted One Direction high-top shoes don’t meet uniform requirements.
- Engaging in Daily Intimacy with My Husband for a Whole Month: And yes, swallowing.
I could think of even more preferable activities than shopping for school supplies, but first, I need to decipher the lists (one for each child!) and drag my kids along to five different stores to find the exact items. Then there’s the returning of incorrect items and the tedious task of labeling every single crayon. It’s like a never-ending cycle of chaos.
Seriously, who has the time, money, patience, or stamina for this madness? If you’re looking for a little humor to accompany your own parental struggles, check out our other blog posts. For instance, if you want to learn more about home insemination, visit this link. Or if you want to explore further options, look at this authority for home intracervical insemination kits. For a comprehensive resource on pregnancy, you can check out this excellent guide.
In summary, school supply shopping is a daunting task that can feel more punishing than a root canal or a full body wax. The next time you’re faced with the supply lists, just remember—there are worse things you could be doing!