Parenting Insights by Jamie Taylor
Updated: April 5, 2016
Originally Published: August 19, 2013
Images of joyful children gracing the covers of glossy family magazines seem to affirm that a happy child is the hallmark of great parenting. If your little one radiates joy, giggles at every turn, and navigates life with a carefree spirit, you must be doing something right. Bravo! Once your cheerful kiddo is tucked in for the night, treat yourself to a well-deserved glass of wine—after all, you’re nailing this parenting gig!
Or perhaps, like me, you’ve been blessed with a laid-back child who, despite your parental missteps, can win over everyone from the grocery clerk to the mailman with her infectious smile.
But maybe, like me, you’re also the mother of that child—the one who clings to you at the playground, crying for help from the monkey bars, or the toddler who panics at the sight of a passing dog. The little one who navigates the world in a storm of tears and tantrums.
As the mother of two wonderfully unique daughters, I can confidently say that sometimes, despite our best efforts, a child may simply be sad. It feels unfair that some kids, like my daughter (let’s call her Lila), seem to radiate happiness from birth, while others, like my other daughter (let’s call her Mia), grapple with anxiety and fear from an early age.
To be fair, a truly negligent parent could indeed dampen even the sunniest disposition; however, we should extend some grace to parents of children who are struggling. As much as I wish to take credit for Lila’s joyful nature, I know she came into the world that way. And while I often find myself blaming my parenting for Mia’s unease, I realize I shouldn’t. And you, well-meaning bystanders at the store or park, shouldn’t judge me either.
Mia has a sensory processing disorder, and after countless hours studying her challenges and attending numerous specialist appointments, I can only say that understanding the diagnosis and treatment can be just as bewildering as the symptoms themselves. Our developmental pediatrician likened sensory processing disorder to obscenity: hard to define, but you recognize it when you see it.
A stroll in the park with Lila is a joyous affair. She beams at everyone we encounter, claps her hands at the sight of a dog, shouting “Doggy!” with such excitement that even the busiest dog owners can’t help but pause and compliment me on my delightful daughter. In those moments, I relish the triumphs of motherhood—knowing they are fleeting.
In contrast, a walk in the park with Mia feels more like a military operation. My anxious child is flanked by equally worried adults, all of us on high alert for dogs, lawnmowers, and any noise-making threats. During these times, I often struggle to maintain my composure. Once, after Mia darted into the street to escape an insect, I yelled, “I swear if you run into the street again, I’ll have a meltdown myself!”
In those moments, I find myself resenting motherhood. Perhaps you’ve been there too. As you pull your upset child back to safety or lift a howling toddler out of the cereal aisle, you feel a surge of emotions—anger, sadness, fear, and that relentless guilt. Then you take a deep breath, steady yourself, and hold back the tears, knowing that your distress would only amplify hers. You swallow that emotional pain, imagining it as a bitter pill that will dissolve in solitude. Because whether your kid is happy or sad, you love them fiercely, and every imperfection can weigh heavier than any failure you’ve ever endured.
Maybe you have a child who feels down, or perhaps your usually joyful kid just had a rough day. Regardless, after you’ve done your utmost and your weepy one is asleep, pour yourself that glass of wine—you’ve earned it.
So, the next time you spot an exasperated mom in the Target parking lot, struggling to corral her squirming child into the minivan, don’t just walk on by. Your silence can feel like judgment, especially when her child isn’t smiling. If you would compliment a happy child, extend that kindness to a sad one. Tell that mom she’s doing well and deserves praise for not losing her cool. With any luck, instead of leaving in defeat, she might share a smile with her upset child. And perhaps, just maybe, she’ll catch a glimpse of a tiny grin in the rearview mirror—those rare moments of joy that shine brighter than the glossiest magazine cover.
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Summary:
This article explores the contrasting experiences of parenting a happy child versus a child with anxiety. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and compassion for parents facing challenges, advocating for kindness in public interactions with families. The piece highlights the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood, the struggles of managing a child’s fears, and the need for support and acknowledgment in difficult moments.
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