There’s a nagging sense of guilt that seems to follow me everywhere. I feel it about my job, my time away from my children, and even about my moments of enjoyment. The guilt of being a working mom? It’s relentless.
I assumed that being a stay-at-home and work-at-home mom would give me the best of both worlds. Yet, here I am, feeling like I’m doing a mediocre job at both. My work time is often cut short, and I’m left worrying that my son isn’t getting the attention he deserves.
Before parenthood, I had visions of a serene life: typing away on my laptop, creating scripts or fine-tuning my latest film, all while my kids engaged in imaginative play with beautifully crafted, eco-friendly toys. The truth, however, looks a lot different. When I need to concentrate on a project while my son is awake, I resort to putting on an episode of Sesame Street or letting him dabble with an “educational” Disney Jr. game.
I’ve participated in conference calls while still in my pajamas, cleaning up a mess of spilled pasta and a not-so-pleasant surprise from our elderly cat. During these calls, I sometimes have to bribe my son with ice cream to keep him quiet for just thirty minutes.
At the local playground, I mostly see nannies. I’ve struck up conversations with several of them, and it’s clear that their sole focus is on the kids. They fill the children’s days with outings, classes, and playdates. Meanwhile, my son is lucky if we manage to hit the park once a day. And even then, I often find myself sneaking in a couple of urgent emails while we’re there.
Before you jump to conclusions, it’s not like he’s glued to the screen all day. I strictly limit his TV time to an hour, often cutting it down to thirty minutes. I try to squeeze in my work while he naps or after he’s asleep for the night. We do visit the library, museums, and parks, but on typical days, he finds himself at the bank or the post office, too. He’s not getting my full attention.
Sometimes, I sense judgment from those around me. For instance, my partner, Mark, casually asked, “Did you finish editing that episode today? Wasn’t he napping longer than usual?” Or my mother-in-law, who innocently assumed I was working full-time. “Wait, don’t you work full-time now?” she asked. No, I work for the duration of a Little Einsteins episode, a midday nap, and a couple of hours after my son goes to bed. I felt defensive, as if she thought I was always on the computer.
I could choose to dedicate myself fully to being a stay-at-home mom. After all, Mark is the primary breadwinner in our family. My son would probably love having me entirely focused on him, and it would certainly relieve some of this guilt.
But I know I would lose a part of myself. I’ve been involved in acting and filmmaking since I started a theater group in high school. This creative outlet fuels me, pushes me, and at times, frustrates me. There are moments of resentment, too. Mark doesn’t have to grapple with this choice. Regardless of his work hours, I’m the one taking care of our child. Society tends to label him as a “bad” father for working long hours, but he’s simply providing for us.
If I had to choose, motherhood would always come first. My son is, without a doubt, my top priority. But does that mean he must be the only important aspect of my life?
For those navigating similar journeys, you might find helpful insights in this resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re considering options like self insemination, take a look at this guide on at-home insemination kits.
In summary, the balancing act of a working mom is fraught with guilt, uncertainty, and the constant push to do right by both family and career. Understanding that both motherhood and individual passions can coexist is key to finding peace in this chaotic journey.
Keyphrase: working mom guilt
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