- Always reject the first outfit choice your mom makes. That’s the reason she packs extra clothes—she wants to see you in all of them! Rummage through the suitcase without a care and leave a mess behind. It’s what she lives for!
- Skip breakfast completely. Why waste time on the snacks already available in the hotel room? Once you’re out, ask for something utterly bizarre. Think outside the box!
- If the bus to Downtown Disney is running behind schedule, only mention your need to use the restroom when you see it approaching. After all, mom has always dreamed of being a runner—this is her moment!
- Insist on sitting as far from your parents as possible on the bus. It’s the perfect time to make new friends, and from a distance, they can’t keep tabs on you as well. Team up with a sibling to divide your seating—four rows apart is ideal!
- Never, under any circumstances, climb into that stroller willingly. It’s basically a cumbersome prison that your dad hauls around for his own amusement. Resist with all your might!
- Limit your lunch to just a few bites of rice. Your parents have stashed away way better snacks for the flight. Save your appetite for those treasures!
- When it’s time to leave for the airport, keep insisting you want to stay. A good tantrum demonstrates just how much you loved this vacation. Flopping dramatically on the ground shows your commitment!
- Airports are a blast to dash through! Stay close during check-in to lull your parents into a false sense of security, then make a break for it when they check the stroller. Freedom! Everyone finds it adorable—especially security.
- While waiting in line for security, voice any issues you have. Don’t hold back! Throw a dramatic fit and shout, “Let go! You’re not my real parents!” if Dad tries to carry you onto the gangway.
- Once on the plane, establish your territory. No sharing toys or personal space with younger siblings! If they come too close, alert your parents loudly. Remember that time you encouraged your sister to play on the metal bars at the Speedway ride? Now’s a great time to bring that back up!
- When the flight attendant serves you a drink, be sure to loudly refuse apple juice if it looks like anything other than the color you expected. Apparently, she doesn’t know what apple juice should look like!
- Drink plenty of liquids so you can experience those airplane bathrooms—it’s basically like peeing in a closet. What a bucket list moment!
- Repeatedly ask your mom if she farted. Make sure everyone hears you claim she did—loudly!
- Celebrate any mischief with high-fives to your siblings! Spilling a soda on mom? That’s definitely a high five-worthy moment!
- Just before landing, give your siblings the cue to check out. Doze off on Dad while your sister sleeps on Mom. The sight of parents trying to collect belongings without waking you is pure comedy gold. Stay asleep until you reach the car, then cry all the way home because you’re exhausted.
Bonus points: Wet the bed once you’re home!
This article was originally published on July 19, 2013. For more fun parenting tips, check out our other blog posts, such as the one on artificial insemination kits from Make a Mom or learn more about the process from Cryobaby, who are experts in this field. If you’re looking for additional information on pregnancy, visit the excellent resource In Vitro Fertilization on Wikipedia.
In summary, if you want to ensure your last day at Disney is one for the books (albeit in a negative way), follow these steps to guarantee chaos and drama.
Keyphrase: How to ruin the last day of a Disney vacation
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