Angela from Who’s the Boss? made parenting appear effortless. You snag the dream job, have a baby, hire a handsome (retired pro athlete) housekeeper, and smoothly navigate motherhood, only facing a few awkward nude scenes along the way. As a child, I envied her seemingly perfect life.
However, after achieving my own career and becoming a mom, I quickly discovered the illusion. It was anything but simple.
I didn’t realize this truth right away. Despite pouring over countless books about “having it all,” I found no immediate clarity about whether I was meant to stay home with my child or continue my professional journey. Many women don’t even have the luxury of choice. Yet when I returned to work after 12 grueling weeks of maternity leave, I encountered a new reality. The arrival of my baby and the evolution of my career unleashed emotions I had never experienced before. It felt like the moment I gave birth, I also welcomed guilt into my life.
I first felt this guilt as I closed the door behind me to head back to the office, leaving my newborn—who could barely do more than drool and had a PhD in cluster feedings—under someone else’s care. This act represented so much more than just physically leaving. A wave of longing washed over me. My partner gently pressed the elevator button, rushing me away while tears blurred my resolve like a watercolor painting.
I adored my job. It was as if my instincts and rational thought were locked in a classic battle, with each vying for dominance. I believed that if I just “leaned in” a bit more, I could keep advancing my career. I was the first in my family to graduate from college, and countless women before me had fought for the right to work while raising children. I could do this. I wanted to do this.
Then came the dreaded work travel. Just the thought of it—weeks in advance—watered the seeds of guilt, nurturing them until my departure. Traveling to the West Coast or abroad was the worst; FaceTime calls were rushed and often occurred during meltdowns—either mine or my little one’s. Yes, the thrill of touching down in a new city was intoxicating, but it was always followed by the glow of my phone screen as I eagerly checked for new pictures or videos from my family.
Still, the excitement of big presentations and brainstorming sessions temporarily reinvigorated my sense of purpose. I worked with clients who challenged me but ultimately aimed to make a positive impact on the world.
Yet gradually, that passion began to fade.
During a conference call, I received a text from the sitter with pictures of my kids at the park. As soon as the call ended, one question echoed in my mind: “What the heck am I doing?”
Three weeks ago, I resigned from my job. I’m uncertain if I can manage being a stay-at-home mom. There’s a strong possibility I’ll be begging to return to work within the month. Cooking is not my forte. It usually takes me six trips back into the house just to leave for the day, and that’s only when I’m packing for myself. Patience? Not my strong suit. I’m an impulsive shopper and struggle to stick to a budget.
Do my kids even want to spend all day with me? Who knows. What I do know is that this debate about motherhood often pits women against one another, which is absurd. We all grapple with guilt, balance, and the desire to have it all.
Sure, many women, like Angela, know they are career-driven, while others are certain they want to stay home. But the majority of us navigate the murky middle, feeling guilty whether we choose to work or stay at home. What we truly need is to support one another and foster open discussions on the topic.
Three weeks into my new role, I feel good about my decision. I’m at peace knowing this is what’s best for me and my family right now. And that realization makes preparing heart-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the park even sweeter.
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Summary
Motherhood is often portrayed as a seamless experience, but the reality can be filled with guilt, confusion, and tough choices. For many women, the struggle lies in balancing careers and family life while navigating societal pressures. Ultimately, supporting one another and embracing our individual journeys is crucial.
Keyphrase: motherhood misconceptions
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