Any parent of a high school senior knows the trials and tribulations that come with the college admissions process. It can feel like the ultimate parenting challenge, putting a strain on the parent-child dynamic that has been developing for nearly two decades. The experience can turn a seemingly solid relationship upside down, leaving you to wonder if things will ever return to normal. Adding to the stress is the undeniable reality that soon there will be greater physical and emotional distance between you both.
One autumn day during my daughter’s senior year, instead of pestering her about college essays or applications, I decided to steer the conversation towards something more enjoyable—our plans for the summer between high school and college.
“Emma, do you have any thoughts on how you want to spend this summer?”
She halted suddenly and declared, in that classic teenage tone, “I don’t know yet, but it’s supposed to be the best summer of my life.”
That caught me off guard. “The best summer of her life”—what did that even mean? Was she planning to sleep in, hang out with friends nonstop, and avoid family time as much as possible?
I reflected on my own summer before heading off to college. I worked as a camp counselor, driving a van full of rambunctious kids each day. It was entertaining (largely due to a few cute guys on staff), but hardly thrilling. I spent the evenings with friends at the beach, not prioritizing time with my parents because I assumed they’d always be around while my friends and I ventured out into the world.
The concept of “the best summer of my life”—where did that come from? I didn’t want to mock her enthusiasm, so I let the topic slide. However, one evening after the chaos of college applications had settled down a bit, she brought it up again. She mentioned reading about a mother and daughter who traveled together and suggested we do the same. She wanted to create lasting memories, and she thought travel would ensure that.
Wow, I never expected her to approach me for quality time—I was usually the one pleading for it! But was this contradicting all the parenting advice I had absorbed (give them space, allow them to grow)? I wasn’t sure, but I decided to embrace the opportunity. She was preparing to leave home, and I was ready to seize any moments she offered.
Then came the requests. She wanted to take the lead in planning our trip, deciding where to go, what to see, and where to eat, while leaving me to manage the less glamorous parts—like flights, hotels, and paperwork. I accepted.
Emma chose Spain as our destination. She meticulously researched attractions for each city, even delving into local culinary delights to find the best eateries. With my limited Spanish, I relied on her as my translator. It was a refreshing shift; for the first time, she was in charge, and I was happily dependent.
We spent our travel time sharing stories, reading “The Joy Luck Club” and “Glitter and Glue.” Each evening, we would unwind and discuss the nuances of mother-daughter dynamics, reflecting on our own relationship.
It was a precious gift to witness my daughter transition from a teenager into a young adult, confidently navigating foreign cities and embracing new experiences. She still had her moments of uncertainty—like misplacing her passport—but those provided me with opportunities to step in as the responsible parent once in a while.
The most unforgettable night was at an outdoor café where she asked about my college experiences, seeking advice on how to maximize her own. We discussed the importance of having fun without going overboard, working hard without becoming obsessed with grades, and getting involved without overcommitting. We also touched on the significance of setting both short- and long-term life goals, encouraging her to take risks and explore the unfamiliar during her college journey. That night, we reminisced over childhood photos, relishing the memories.
As we returned home, the weeks dwindled before her departure. In the blink of an eye, we found ourselves in her new dorm room, hugging and saying goodbye. Summer had come to an end, and she was ready to embark on this new chapter of her life. As I left, I made sure to pin a photo of us together in Barcelona on her wall.
You don’t need to jet off to Europe to bond with your child; a simple weekend camping trip or a nearby adventure can work wonders too. Creating special moments during the summer before college is essential. Don’t let this opportunity slip away.
At least for now, Emma considers our summer trip to be the best of her life, but I know she’s just beginning her journey and many more wonderful summers await her. For me, it certainly ranks high on my list of best summers, allowing me to build a reservoir of memories and strengthen our connection, making the impending separation feel a bit less daunting.
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Keyphrase: Final summer with daughter before college
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