My daughters frequently ask me about my upbringing; some evenings their curiosity seems genuine, while other times, I suspect they’re simply trying to prolong bedtime. I usually regale them with neat little tales—each with a clear beginning, middle, and end—like the time I was chased by a German shepherd on my way to school, and the creative ways I evaded confrontation.
However, there’s one story I’ve avoided telling, one I’m only beginning to grasp. My mother was just 23 when I was born, 34 at the time of her separation from my father, and 42 when she embraced sobriety. Throughout these experiences, she imparted a quiet lesson that I now recognize more clearly. Today, this might be called a “joy-hack”—ironically, her own mother’s name was Joy.
We didn’t have much money, so the items we owned were rarely high-end or brand-name. I often wore hand-me-downs, while she crafted work outfits from bits and pieces she embellished with whatever materials she had on hand. I could claim that she taught me to resist the allure of material possessions, but the truth is, I still find myself yearning and indulging! I could also argue that she instilled in me the skill to improve situations, which is indeed true, but there’s something deeper she gave me that I rely on time and again.
My mother equipped me with the ability to discover joy, even amidst chaos. This skill has served me well more times than I can count. I aspire to pass it on to my daughters, but it can only be imparted as they witness me reaching for happiness in seemingly impossible circumstances. I can’t simply say, “Hey girls, trust me—when things are tough, happiness is still within your grasp.”
This lesson becomes especially poignant during moments when I feel utterly defeated. Like the time I discovered a load of laundry had gone bad in the washer. Just as the warm spell was interrupted by a downpour, my middle daughter exclaimed, “Mom, I have no pants!” I fished out a pair of stained leggings from the cupboard. “Here you go.” She glanced at them and replied, “Mom, these have a hole! My teacher sends me to the nurse if they’re damaged.”
I examined the leggings and reached for my sewing kit. As I attempted to mend the tear, the stretchy fabric twisted awkwardly. Instead of succumbing to frustration, I embraced the challenge and sewed a smiley face and squinty eyes onto the fabric, making the bunching appear intentional. “Mom, you’re amazing!” she cheered. In that moment, I quietly remembered that it was my mom who had been amazing all along.
A few years back, my husband and I faced a financial crisis as our business struggled under the pressure of a challenging economy and the weight of a second venture. The darkness felt suffocating; my anxiety was paralyzing. Yet, despite my overwhelming urge to give up, I found solace on the sofa, running my fingers along the quilt’s threads. The quilt’s heavy weight brought me a sense of peace, and I began to find hope in a patch of green fabric, recalling the sun’s warmth from a vibrant orange and red scrap. Life is filled with challenges and unfortunate events, but the gift my mom gave me is the ability to connect with something beyond the chaos, ensuring a part of my spirit remains intact.
This article was originally published on May 9, 2013.
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Summary:
In navigating childhood memories with my daughters, I reflect on the lessons my mother imparted about finding joy amidst difficulties. Despite financial struggles and personal challenges, she taught me resilience and the ability to seek happiness, even in tough times. I strive to model this for my daughters, hoping they, too, will learn to find light in the darkness.
Keyphrase: finding joy amidst challenges
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