When one embarks on the path of becoming a physician, they pledge allegiance to the Hippocratic Oath. Similarly, to gain American citizenship, one must take the Naturalization Oath. Yet, it seems that infants have their own unique set of promises they would make if only they could articulate themselves. Here’s what their Baby Oath might sound like:
I solemnly affirm that I will embody the perfect balance of irresistible charm and relentless chaos.
I will hold no regard for your belongings; everything is a toy to me.
Just as you’re about to leave, I will ensure my diaper is filled to capacity. And if I’m dressed for an important occasion, expect a surprise of the explosive kind.
I will aim my spit-up directly at your freshly laundered shirt.
While you offer me wholesome foods, I will flatly refuse them, choosing instead to explore the many ways I can consume items that may not be safe for me.
Public crying will become my specialty—unexpected, loud, and without reason.
Nap time will never coincide with my energy levels, yet I will exhibit total exhaustion just when you have plans.
There will be moments of sweet snuggles, quickly followed by surprise flailing and headbutts.
I have an uncanny ability to sense your fatigue, and at that moment, I will demand to be held, rocked, and serenaded.
I will defy all principles of physics and baby-proofing, making your efforts utterly futile.
You can count on me to remember my favorite song or book and to insist on its repeated rendition until you are on the verge of breaking.
Sleep, meals, and showers will be distant memories from the moment you bring me home from the hospital.
I’ll crawl before you expect it, walk before you’re ready, and soon enough, I’ll be running—fast and far.
I promise to grow at lightning speed, reaching my first birthday before you can even ask, “When did you get so big?”
But trust me, it will all be worth it… at least until I hit the toddler phase.
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In summary, the Baby Oath encapsulates the delightful chaos and sheer unpredictability of life with an infant. It highlights the contrast between their adorable moments and their often messy realities, all while reminding parents that this whirlwind of growth is truly a fleeting experience.
Keyphrase: Baby Oath
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