Many moons ago, before I started relying on a small pharmacy’s worth of pain relievers just to rise from my bed, I had a rather naive view of hemorrhoids. I thought they were the epitome of grossness, an affliction reserved strictly for the elderly, the overweight, and those who skimped on their bathroom habits. I was quite certain I would just wither away from embarrassment if I ever found myself in their unfortunate clutches. But then, life happened—I became pregnant.
You’ll find that pregnant women will tell you hemorrhoids are just part of the delightful bundle of joys that come with growing a tiny human. It’s hardly surprising, right? After all, carrying around an additional forty to sixty pounds puts immense pressure on your body. That pressure on your rectum from a growing uterus? Yep, you guessed it: a pregnancy hemorrhoid. And let’s not forget the spectacular struggle of delivering a hard, pebble-like stool after what feels like an eternity of effort—definitely a recipe for hemorrhoids.
Oh, and let’s not ignore the fact that hemorrhoids can show up postpartum thanks to the exertion of labor. Isn’t parenthood just fantastic?
For me, pregnancy was my not-so-glamorous introduction to the world of hemorrhoids, and they’ve been a regular visitor ever since. Did you know there are two varieties? The “external” ones are the notorious bulging, itchy, and sometimes painful masses that have you racing for your hemorrhoid cushion. But then there are the “internal” ones, which are less visible, yet equally alarming. They come with the added bonus of making you question your life choices every time they cause bright red blood to appear, leading to a mental checklist that goes something like this:
- Is that my period?
- No, definitely not from that end…
- Wait—OH NO, AM I BLEEDING?
- This can only mean…
- Butthole cancer?
Just when you’re about to alert your family about your impending demise via the worst kind of cancer, you look up your symptoms on WebMD (again) and, lo and behold, the verdict is “hemorrhoids” (again). And the saga continues.
At this point in my life, I realize that hemorrhoids are simply part of my reality—an itchy, uncomfortable reality. Sure, they’re annoying, but they’re here to stay. So, welcome to the family, hemorrhoids! Make yourself comfortable in your new home—my behind.
For anyone navigating the world of pregnancy, you might also want to check out our post on at-home insemination kits, which can provide helpful tools for those on their journey to parenthood. If you’re looking for more resources, the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit is a great option, and the March of Dimes is an excellent place for information on fertility treatments.
In summary, hemorrhoids are no longer a taboo topic but rather a common experience shared by many, especially after pregnancy. They may be uncomfortable, but they’re a reminder that our bodies go through significant changes. So, let’s embrace this awkward part of life together.
Keyphrase: hemorrhoids and pregnancy
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]