Mastering the art of bedtime stalling is a rite of passage for every toddler by the time they hit age two. By following these tried-and-true techniques, you can effectively push your bedtime back by a solid forty-five minutes. Before you know it, you’ll be indulging in midnight snacks, binge-watching questionable late-night TV, and possibly ordering cozy Slankets from infomercials.
LESSON ONE: MAKE PJ TIME A CHALLENGE
Transform changing into pajamas into a high-stakes game. Sprint around the house like a whirlwind. If a parent tries to catch you, go completely limp as if you weigh a ton. If they manage to get your clothes off, don’t let that stop you! Make a quick escape, proudly running around in your birthday suit.
LESSON TWO: DISCOVER DINNER AT BEDTIME
This tactic is most effective if you usually refuse to eat. Suddenly expressing a keen interest in food as your parents begin the bedtime routine will leave them conflicted between tucking you in and worrying that you might starve.
LESSON THREE: TEETH MUST BE IMMACULATE
Brush with enthusiasm! Request more toothpaste, swap toothbrushes from your favorite cartoon characters, and run the brush under the water for as long as possible. When you think you’re done, start all over again if your teeth don’t feel clean enough.
LESSON FOUR: THE GREAT BLANKIE HIDE AND SEEK
To maximize your security items, gather a blankie, a stuffed animal, and a sippy cup. About an hour before bedtime, cleverly hide these items throughout the house. Your parents will be forced to embark on a frantic search for them, buying you precious time before bed.
LESSON FIVE: BOOK BARGAINING
When it comes to choosing bedtime stories, stand frozen in front of your bookshelf as if paralyzed by indecision. Try to negotiate for more books than allowed—if they say two, ask for three; if they say three, ask for four. Always select the thickest book or one with a hundred “look and see” flaps, which will take forever.
LESSON SIX: SHOWTIME!
All day long, your parents have tried to engage you, and you’ve ignored them. Now is your moment! Flash your most charming smile and unleash your vocabulary. Start a conversation, sing a song, or declare your love. Your goal is to make it as difficult as possible for them to leave the room.
LESSON SEVEN: THE FINAL ACT
If a parent picks you up to put you in your crib, your stalling time is dwindling. You have two choices: either throw a fit—arching your back and kicking—or simply lie down and accept your fate. My advice? Don’t resist. You’ve done an excellent job, and there’s always another night to improve your strategy. Sleep tight, class!
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Summary
Master the art of bedtime stalling with these seven expert tactics designed to keep your parents guessing and prolong your nighttime routine. From hiding your beloved comfort items to negotiating bedtime stories, you’ll be an expert at delaying sleep in no time!
Keyphrase: Bedtime Stalling for Toddlers
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