I’m a solo parent. Or wait, am I? Yes, sometimes I feel like one, but not always. This can get a bit confusing, right?
When I first went through my divorce, someone referred to me as a solo mom, and I had to take a moment to process that. Me, a solo parent? Not quite! I have a cozy apartment in a nice neighborhood, and my children are receiving a solid education. We’re not scraping by, living paycheck to paycheck. My ex-husband shares custody with me. Sure, there are days I wish he’d just vanish, but he’s not absent in their lives.
These days, it seems there’s a spectrum when it comes to solo motherhood. No divorced mom I know has an easy life, and while it’s hard to quantify emotional hardship, there are certainly ways we can compare our situations. I recognize that I don’t have it as tough as some, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
True solo moms are those who are struggling just to put food on the table, often living in precarious financial situations, dealing with bills, and managing kids who might be what were once called latchkey children. These incredible women bounce between jobs tirelessly. I’ve seen athletes and celebrities commend these mothers for their perseverance, for pulling their kids out of tough circumstances and rising above adversity. They are true solo moms; they did it all on their own and deserve every bit of praise.
Take my friend, for instance. Her ex moved across the country, and aside from a few weeks each year when their son visits him, she’s the sole parent—day in and day out. She works tirelessly to provide for herself and her son, without any safety net or financial support from a divorce settlement. She is undoubtedly a solo mom.
Then there’s another friend who can’t co-parent with her ex. Communication is so strained that it’s best avoided altogether. This means she carries the emotional load of parenting her kids on her own.
So where do I fit into this picture? My ex and I, while not the best team, manage a form of co-parenting. Many days focus strictly on logistics—who’s taking the kids where—but when it comes to deeper issues like emotional struggles or life transitions, we attempt to communicate beyond the calendar. Okay, we’re not perfect, but that’s my hope for the future. Plus, I have a boyfriend, so while I may be single in a traditional sense, I’m not completely alone. I also have family and friends who lend a listening ear or offer a ride when I need it.
In many ways, I’m doing alright. So, on the surface, I wouldn’t classify myself as a solo mom.
But wait. I’m not married to my children’s father, I don’t have a romantic relationship with him, and there’s barely a friendship between us. I shoulder the worries, fears, joys, successes, and failures of parenting alone. When I’m sick and have the kids, it’s all on me. When they fall ill, I’m the one managing everything. When I miss my son during camp, I can’t just turn to someone who understands my feelings. And when my daughter bursts into the kitchen dressed like a princess, belting out a Taylor Swift song, I can’t share that joy with her dad. I bear the emotional responsibility for them all the time and the physical responsibility half the time. We never share those moments together.
I may not have all the answers, but one thing is clear: I’m divorced, I’m single, I’m a mom, and I’ve never been one for labels.
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Summary:
Navigating the complexities of single motherhood can be confusing, especially when comparing oneself to other parents facing different challenges. This article highlights the spectrum of experiences among single moms and emphasizes that even those who may not fit the traditional mold still grapple with the responsibilities and emotions of parenting independently.
Keyphrase: A single parent’s journey
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