The holiday season is upon us, and for the first time in my kids’ lives, I find myself unable to buy their joy. In my previous life as a high-earner, I spent countless hours devoted to a job I didn’t love. My time was stretched thin, leaving me feeling exhausted when I was available. To compensate for my sporadic presence as a mother, I resorted to buying their happiness. Weekends were filled with trips to various stores, where I’d purchase new toys and gadgets, sometimes justifying it with the promise of educational benefits. I thought I was providing for them by ensuring they were entertained while I mentally recharged.
Then, life took a dramatic turn. I faced a series of challenges: relocating to a new country, experiencing a divorce, battling cancer, and undergoing multiple surgeries that drained my savings. My ex-husband added to the upheaval by introducing a new partner into their lives shortly after our separation. My daughter struggled with feelings of abandonment, while my son was confused about why this new person didn’t want to be their step-dad. Soon, I too found myself back in the dating scene, only for that relationship to falter as well. To top it all off, my budding business failed.
Last Christmas, overwhelmed by guilt from the chaos I had created, I emptied my savings for gifts. But that was it; there were no distractions left to shield us from our new reality. With holes in their clothes and shoes too small, we found ourselves with the perfect opportunity to explore what it truly means to have each other.
Initially, I panicked at the thought of spending days without buying experiences or distractions. Friends reassured me, saying, “They just want your attention!” but I couldn’t grasp that concept. I sank into a pit of depression and resentment, feeling as though I had lost my ability to connect with my kids.
We lived in an area rife with poverty, where crime and anger were prevalent. Yet, amidst it all, I witnessed families creating moments of joy. Mothers and sisters braided hair on porches, boys played catch, and children built sandcastles on the beach. They made do with what they had, and their laughter was infectious, outshining their worn clothes.
One day at the beach, watching my children battle boredom to splash in the water, something clicked. At the end of the day, regardless of our circumstances, we shared one invaluable asset: ourselves. It struck me that I hadn’t been utilizing my own presence to its fullest potential.
As I walked toward the water, my children erupted in delighted shouts of “Mommy!” They eagerly pulled me in, and we created a world of our own with sand fiddlers and seaweed necklaces. My youngest gazed into my eyes, declaring, “This is the best day ever!” In that moment, I realized they truly just wanted me. I had all the resources I needed right at my fingertips.
Since then, we have become creators in our own right. Our holiday decorations are now made of painted rocks and wire, and our walls are adorned with colorful drawings. Meals are savored as cherished moments, and I make it a point to sit with them during TV time, offering foot massages or simply being present.
I’ve been candid about our temporary financial situation. Yes, they occasionally grumble about not getting new toys, but they quickly shift gears into other conversations, demonstrating a resilience I didn’t expect. They seem content.
As for the magic of Santa? I explained that this year he has to focus on children facing tougher situations, including those affected by war. My kids were inspired to create something for those kids and expressed that they were fine with Santa saving some gifts for next year.
What This Christmas Means
So, what does this Christmas mean for a single mom navigating life’s hurdles with her two children? It will be a cozy, peaceful time filled with music, creativity, cooking, and laughter. Fewer presents, but an abundance of presence.
In summary, this Christmas, I’m choosing to gift my children the essence of being present rather than material items. By focusing on our time together, we are finding joy and creativity in the simplest moments.
Keyphrase: gift of presence during holidays
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