Got some extra cash and itching for an adventure? Packing up the family for a vacation can rapidly transform your finances from healthy to empty—especially if you have little ones in tow! Here’s how to ensure your trip is a financial rollercoaster.
1. Choose a Destination with Kids’ Activities Galore
Look for places packed with kid-centric attractions that come with a hefty price tag, such as amusement parks or water parks. Pro tip: Always be upfront about your kids’ ages. Only a true miser tries to snag a discount for a child who just turned three!
2. Inquire About Food Policies
Call ahead to confirm that these fun-filled venues don’t allow outside food or drinks. Bonus points if they check bags for contraband! Plan your visit so you’ll be compelled to buy at least two meals and a couple of snacks for every family member—45 minutes in should do the trick. And remember, stashing a snack in your purse is akin to treason; your kids will surely notice and follow in your dishonest footsteps.
3. Opt for Beachfront Accommodations
Staying right on the beach seems convenient, but in reality, it saves you about negative 20 minutes since it takes small children ages to traverse even the shortest distances.
4. Consult Your Partner on Packing
Engage in a respectful dialogue with your spouse when they suggest you’re overpacking. Remove everything they say you don’t need so you can buy overpriced essentials like sunscreen and toys at the hotel store—because who doesn’t want to repurchase items you already own at a premium?
5. Select a Destination with Gift Shops
Make sure your kids catch sight of the gift shop when they’re at their most cranky. The odds of saying no to their requests are slim when everyone is tired and hungry, so watch your wallet get lighter.
6. Find Restaurants with Special Kids’ Meals
Even if your kids together weigh less than 80 pounds and usually only nibble at dinner, they absolutely must have their own meals. This means shelling out about $8.99 (plus tax and tip) for each kid’s meal every single day of your trip. No doggie bags allowed—after all, we’re on vacation!
7. Hire a Vacation Sitter
Consider hiring a sitter from an agency who may not even speak your language. This allows you to enjoy a night out, although you’ll likely spend the entire evening fretting about your kids, all while paying vacation prices for dinner and drinks. Pro tip: Treat yourself to a new outfit and a mani/pedi before your night out.
8. Book Two Connecting Rooms
This is a fantastic way to spread out and give the kids space to nap. Ironically, the kids may refuse to sleep, leaving the whole family crammed in one room while the other remains untouched. But hey, it’s just money!
9. Embark on a Cruise
What better way to feel trapped than being stuck on a ship with your kids for days on end? You’ll spend a small fortune for the privilege, and by the end, you may find yourself in need of a therapist for post-cruise anxiety.
10. If You Still Have Cash Left
If you find yourself with a positive bank balance, you’re clearly not trying hard enough. There’s one surefire way to deplete your funds: a trip to Disney World, where every expense is a small fortune.
In summary, traveling with small children can quickly turn a budget-friendly trip into a money pit. From overpriced meals to the allure of gift shops, your finances will surely take a hit.
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