The tradition of celebrating Father’s Day has shifted for me. My father is still alive, but he has undergone a profound transformation — he now identifies as a woman. In other words, the man who contributed the genetic material that brought me into this world is now living authentically as a woman. Yes, after a transition that involved surgery and personal expression, my father is now known as Josephine.
I wish this revelation didn’t come as a shock to many. Ideally, we would inhabit a world where all forms of self-expression are embraced without hesitation or judgment, where personal transformation is met with open arms. However, I understand that for some, this is a lot to take in, especially if they haven’t encountered anything like it before. Just as Josephine took years to come to terms with her true identity, I too needed time to fully accept this change.
My awareness of Josephine’s gender identity began when I was in my mid-20s. My husband and I visited my parents during the holidays, and my father asked to speak with us privately. My heart raced with concern, fearing the worst — perhaps a recurrence of his prostate cancer. “Of course,” I replied, trying to mask my anxiety.
A few hours later, we sat down together. He wasted no time in revealing, “There’s a woman inside of me. I sometimes cross-dress to let her out.” My jaw nearly hit the floor. This was not what I had anticipated. I was paralyzed in shock, unable to find words.
My husband, sensing my confusion, stepped in with, “Richard, we love you no matter who you are.” Internally, I was shouting, “Yes! Exactly!” Yet outwardly, I managed to squeak out, “Do you have any pictures?”
Josephine laughed and shared some photos, understanding that despite my initial shock, I was signaling my support. I guess I should say she was, because Josephine is who she is now. Ultimately, we are both navigating this new reality together.
While I embraced Josephine’s transition, I also had to grapple with feelings of loss. I sought help from a therapist to explore these emotions, realizing that grief and acceptance could coexist. I mourned the loss of the father I once knew and the relationship I had envisioned for my children, but at the same time, I was eager to welcome this new chapter in our lives.
Josephine, with her engineering background, likened her transition to upgrading a computer — the hardware (the physical body) was changing, but the software (the essence of who she is) remained constant. This analogy resonates deeply, and I hope it helps others understand and accept their transgender friends and family more readily.
Character is what truly defines a person, and Josephine is kind, generous, and loving. It’s frustrating to see how challenging this transition can be for some adults to comprehend. I often find myself avoiding conversations about it, unsure of how friends will react.
Fortunately, children tend to be more open-minded. They can process complex emotions more easily than we sometimes give them credit for. For instance, when my daughter was in preschool and exploring her family tree, she asked, “Mom, who is your father?” I explained, “My father was a man named Richard. He felt like a woman inside, and so she changed her outside to match her true self. Now, we call her Grandma Jo.”
She paused, placed her hand on my shoulder, and said, “That’s sad. You don’t have a dad anymore. But I love Grandma Jo, and I’m happy to have her.” At just four years old, my daughter grasped that there’s both sadness and joy in this transformation. We embrace our loved ones, no matter how different their experiences may be from our own.
Josephine has become the person she was always meant to be, and I couldn’t be happier for her. Even though I no longer have a father in the traditional sense, I still have a parent — just one with a different identity.
However, celebrating my transgender parent during conventional holidays can be tricky. Father’s Day doesn’t fit, since she no longer identifies as “father,” and Mother’s Day feels awkward as she doesn’t want to be recognized as “mother.”
In my search for a solution, I discovered a beautiful initiative called Trans Parent Day, which takes place on the first Sunday in November. This day honors transgender parents, akin to Father’s and Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, it’s not widely recognized yet, and I might just need to start a petition for that!
So, this November 2nd, and every day of the year, I’ll be celebrating Josephine and her role in my life. No matter how her exterior has changed, she will always be my parent — and that’s worth honoring.
Summary:
The author shares a personal account of their father’s transition to Josephine, embracing her new identity while navigating complex emotions of loss and acceptance. The article highlights the importance of supporting transgender individuals and celebrating their journeys. It also introduces the concept of Trans Parent Day, a new way to honor transgender parents.
Keyphrase:
My parent’s journey embracing change
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