By: Claire
Updated: Dec. 14, 2014
Originally Published: Sep. 9, 2012
I get asked a particular question about once a week, and at first, it made me squirm. The thought of not having a “perfect” response haunted me; I worried my kids would end up in therapy, resentful and confused. Fast forward to today, and I’ve let go of that anxiety. There are countless other reasons my children might benefit from therapy, but this one hardly makes the top twenty list anymore. Plus, I’ve got multiple responses up my sleeve now. My personal favorite? “Finding a person special enough to be your daddy takes time.”
When my kids were younger, the nuance of that question was lost on them. They probably thought I could just stroll into a store, pick out a dad, and bring him home. Now that they’re six, they grasp that it’s not so simple. They understand marriage and that a mommy and daddy are supposed to love each other. As a result, they’ve taken it upon themselves to play matchmaker for me.
Last year, my son returned from school bubbling with excitement about a friend’s uncle. Apparently, this uncle had a beard, a jeep, and a jet pack—everything my son believed would make for the perfect father figure. I was a little intrigued by the jet pack but decided it was best not to dig into that fantasy.
Just this past weekend, my children decided I should date the town juggler. My son was adamant that having a juggling dad would make him the envy of all his friends. He spun an entire narrative about how cool it would be to show off this unique dad. My daughter was on board as well. I was relieved when the town juggler didn’t show up at our church event. I could just picture my kids yelling, “Will you marry my mommy?” in the middle of his performance!
While my kids can be a bit pushy, I must admit that after five years of single life, I’m starting to feel like a lost cause. I empathize with other single mothers who juggle a busy family schedule alongside a dating life. It’s no small feat. But there’s another hurdle I face that a calendar and a reliable babysitter can’t fix: my past leaves me wondering if I can truly open my heart to someone again, or if that damage is too deep to heal.
I’ve pondered this often. I know I’m capable of love; I have two incredible kids, and my love for them is unconditional. I’ve built trust with a few people and fostered strong professional relationships. But intimacy? That’s a different ball game—it takes me back to my original wounds. And let’s be honest, intimacy can be particularly challenging for someone whose childhood was marred by trauma.
Some friends find my single status perplexing. They joke that I might be a lesbian, but I sense there’s genuine curiosity behind it. Society often assumes that women aren’t single by choice. I did toy with the idea of pursuing a same-sex relationship, thinking it might be easier given my past. However, two realizations pulled me back: first, any healthy relationship requires trust and an open heart, and second, David Beckham’s underwear commercials still have a strong appeal!
For now, I choose to wait. I’m focusing on building trust and learning to open up to others. I practice saying no to the wrong people and stand firm in my newfound strength and voice. I’m working on my patience and acceptance of my current situation, hopeful that one day I’ll be ready to say yes.
If you’re navigating a similar journey, consider checking out resources like this excellent article on treating infertility. And if you’re interested in home insemination, you might find CryoBaby’s home intracervical insemination kit to be a valuable resource—especially if you’re exploring options. Also, don’t forget to explore fertility boosters for men if you’re considering expanding your family.
Summary
This blog discusses the author’s experiences with parenting and the complexities surrounding single motherhood. Initially burdened by the “daddy question,” she now embraces her journey, focusing on personal growth and the nuances of intimacy. As she navigates her role as a mother and a single woman, she reflects on trust, love, and the societal expectations surrounding relationships.
Keyphrase: Single Motherhood and Intimacy
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