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What If I Don’t Feel Connected to My Baby?
by Jamie Parker
Updated: August 22, 2015
Originally Published: August 12, 2012
Before my son was born, I was confident that I’d be overjoyed and ready to embrace motherhood. I was a naturally positive person, and I anticipated the blissful moments of holding him close and showering him with affection.
However, reality struck hard. Instead of the anticipated joy, I found myself grappling with a fussy baby who seemed to cry endlessly. Even when I held him, he was rarely at ease. Though I made sure he was well-fed and healthy, our moments together were often filled with his piercing wails. It certainly wasn’t the love-at-first-sight experience I had envisioned.
The guilt was overwhelming. As the days passed, I realized I hadn’t even taken a moment to kiss my newborn. I was so focused on his needs and calming him down that I lost sight of the tender moments I had hoped for.
I resorted to wearing earplugs during our walks, and my partner, Alex, kept soundproof headphones handy at the changing table because our little one would scream uncontrollably when we laid him down. He needed constant motion, and we were exhausted.
Alex often joked about wanting to return the baby, but we both knew that was impossible—there was no return policy on this little guy. The relentless crying left us emotionally drained, and we often ate whatever fast food we could grab while pacing back and forth.
This was meant to be a joyous time, yet it felt chaotic and overwhelming. I remember a nurse telling me that having one drink a day was acceptable, and that became a highlight of my day. My evenings revolved around that 7 p.m. pumping session, which meant I could finally indulge in a well-deserved drink. It was my way of coping with this new reality.
I mourned my previous life. In that life, I knew what to expect and felt a sense of control. I missed it deeply, and each wave of guilt brought me to tears. I understood that experiencing the baby blues in the first few weeks was common, but as I entered week four, my emotions remained turbulent, and I felt a disconnect with my baby. Thankfully, my mother-in-law and Alex were with me during those first five weeks, providing support.
When they returned to their normal routines, I was left alone with the baby. It was a rough week. I found myself crying daily alongside my son, still unable to set him down. Pacing became my routine, but it was my toughest week yet. I felt hormonal, drained, and, still, that bond eluded me.
Then, I stumbled upon a story online about a mother who didn’t feel a connection for the first six months. For the first time, instead of guilt, I felt relief. I wasn’t alone in my struggle.
By week six, everything changed when my son smiled for the first time during a check-up. I playfully commented, “Look at you, you’re a naked baby!” and to my surprise, he smiled back. That moment sparked something in me, and I began to feel a connection.
By week eight, we had established a routine, and he started sleeping better. The crying lessened, and I began to enjoy our quiet moments together. Over the following months, I fell deeply in love with him.
Now, I can’t resist showering him with kisses and hugs. I used to wonder how some women could call their children their best friends, but now I completely understand. I look forward to picking him up after work, and his excitement to see me warms my heart.
Alex and I have managed to integrate parts of our old life into our new routine, albeit in shorter bursts. I no longer feel guilty; instead, I embrace the overwhelming love for my son. I’ve let go of mourning my past life and now cherish this new one, though I still enjoy that evening cocktail.
For any parents navigating similar feelings, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Resources like Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation can provide additional support and insights. If you want to explore more about fertility boosters, check out this article. And for those interested in home insemination techniques, this post has useful information.
Summary:
Navigating the complexities of new motherhood can be challenging, especially when the expected emotional bond doesn’t form immediately. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and disconnected at first. With time, support, and the right resources, many parents find their connection deepens and transforms into overwhelming love.
Keyphrase: Not feeling a connection with baby
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