Doubt can sneak in when you least expect it. Am I doing this wrong? Am I failing her? These thoughts swirl through my mind as I navigate the complexities of parenting our daughter, who has a fiery temper. There was a time when her outbursts were frequent, and I felt as if I were tiptoeing around her emotions, desperately trying not to provoke another meltdown, all while trying to uphold our family rules.
Thankfully, her tantrums have lessened significantly. Still, there are moments when she becomes overwhelmed, her fists clenching, and tears streaming down her face. Occasionally, she lashes out, but so far, her swings have missed their target. I can’t help but worry that one day, they might not.
If you were to meet her, you’d see a sweet, polite child who is kind and caring. She embodies the best parts of me—yet I fear she may also carry some of my less desirable traits.
It seems I have taken on the role of her primary caregiver, perhaps because I feel a heavy weight of guilt regarding her behavior. I wonder if she picked up on my past anger. Did I teach her that yelling is an acceptable way to cope? I know it’s not, and I want to change that narrative.
Most of our struggles arise around bedtime, likely due to her fatigue. I often find myself guiding her to her room, sometimes against her will, to shield her siblings from witnessing her breakdown. I sit by her door to prevent her from escaping. Occasionally, she allows me to hold her as she vents her frustrations, while other times, I find myself distracted by the decor I carefully chose for her space.
Patience becomes my ally. I speak softly, reminding myself to breathe deeply. Over the past six months, we’ve worked together on self-soothing techniques. Our conversations typically start like this: “Let’s explore some methods to help you calm down. One effective way is to take deep breaths.” I model the breathing, and she follows suit.
“Another option is counting to ten slowly,” I say, as we both count together, sometimes even in reverse.
“Or you can try some stretching or yoga. This helps your body release energy while your mind relaxes.” I sit cross-legged on the floor, demonstrating stretches. Initially, her participation was hesitant; I understand—sometimes anger feels too good to let go.
But now? Now, she knows how to calm herself. I can ask her, “How can you calm down?” or “Which technique do you want to try?” and she confidently chooses her method.
This knowledge is a gift I hope she’ll carry with her throughout life—just not the anger. The most rewarding part is seeing her apply these techniques independently in different situations, showing that she’s truly learned.
And her sisters are observing. Just the other day, my three-year-old said she needed to calm down and began taking deep breaths.
While I might always question whether I’m doing this parenting thing right, I have moments where I feel my own deep breaths are guiding me closer to success in this journey.
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Summary:
Parenting is a challenging journey filled with moments of doubt and growth. By teaching our children self-soothing techniques, we can help them navigate their emotions more effectively. Through patience and practice, they might learn to calm themselves, as seen with my daughter and even her younger sister. While I still have questions about my parenting skills, the progress we’ve made gives me hope.
Keyphrase: parenting and emotional regulation
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