Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 13, 2012
This week, my son decided sleep was overrated. Seriously, he just stopped. As a result, I’m running on fumes.
After a night of absolutely no sleep, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to take both my boys to Target post-nap (and I use the term “nap” generously) to snag some deals on diapers during their baby sale. I figured that being out and about would prevent me from dozing off and letting my little ones turn our house into a disaster zone.
However, the outing turned into one of the most chaotic experiences we’ve had. I won’t bore you with every detail, but on the drive home, I had a moment of realization: there would be no peaceful bedtime tonight. My son’s newfound talent for evading sleep meant that I could expect him to appear at my bedside at any moment.
That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks: I can’t have more children. I’m at my limit. This is it.
Here I am, exhausted and overwhelmed as a mom of two boys. I yearn for more kids, but the thought of handling what I already have feels daunting. I’ll never have the chance to experience my last pregnancy, nor will I get to share those milestones with a daughter—no prom prep, no shopping for wedding dresses, or helping her through those awkward teenage moments. So, yeah, that trip to Target escalated quickly.
Some days, I question whether having two kids was a huge mistake. Am I cut out for this? What if we mess them up? Then there are times when I feel like we’re nailing this parenting thing and could easily handle at least five more!
But today was different. After my emotional breakdown, I experienced a lightbulb moment. Here’s the revelation: I don’t need to know right now how many kids I’ll have.
People are always asking:
- Are you planning for more?
- When will you try for a girl?
- You’re not pregnant again yet, right?
- You’re done having kids, correct?
- Are you using birth control?
Typically, I would launch into a long-winded explanation about how we intended to wait longer between our first two kids, but given their close age, we’re considering waiting even longer for a third. Unless fate intervenes, of course! We want to wait until my husband finishes his degree or until the kids are at least potty trained. We think three or four might be ideal eventually.
But now, I have a new response for all those inquiries: “We have no idea, and you’ll likely find out when we do.”
It could go one of two ways—either we’ll expand our family or we won’t. No need to rush into a decision. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 26 years of life, it’s that our plans seldom unfold as we anticipate. If they did, I’d be a glamorous mom with perfect kids and a fairytale marriage, baking like a pro and having endless hours of free time.
The reality is, we truly don’t know what lies ahead. Even if we decide we want two more kids, life could throw us a curveball, and we may not have any. Conversely, if we are certain we’re done, we could find ourselves with a surprise addition. I don’t mind the questions about our family planning; it’s just that we’re learning to embrace the uncertainty. It really isn’t solely up to us.
So, while our family might not be finalized just yet, it’s definitely complete for now.
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Summary
Parenting can be overwhelming, especially when juggling the demands of two young boys. Amidst the chaos, it’s natural to question plans for expansion. However, embracing uncertainty can lead to peace of mind. Whether or not our family is complete remains to be seen, but for now, we’re content with where we are.
Keyphrase: Family planning and uncertainty
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