Updated: August 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 12, 2012
Do you have a little one who likes to hit? Rest assured, you’re not alone; physical aggression is quite common among toddlers aged two to three. While it’s a typical part of their development, it’s essential to address it. So, how should you respond?
The first step when your child hurts another is to deliver a succinct, clear message: “No hitting.” Temporarily separate your child from the situation and redirect your attention to the victim. Ask, “Are you okay? How can I help you?” This shows your child that hitting does not earn them the coveted adult attention.
Next, it’s crucial to guide your child in learning how to apologize and offer support. A verbally proficient 3 ½ year old can say something like, “I’m sorry for hitting,” and suggest ways to make amends, like fetching a cold pack, giving a hug, or sharing a toy. If they struggle to express themselves, simply prompting them to say “Sorry” can be a good start. If your child refuses to apologize or this isn’t their first incident of the day, consider using a time-out as a corrective measure. In some cases, you might need to change the environment entirely—such as going home or moving them to a different room temporarily.
An often overlooked aspect of correcting this behavior pertains to how we communicate with boys. Research presented in “Raising Boys: Nurturing Emotional Intelligence” by Aaron Carter and Michael Lee indicates that when girls hit, we typically ask, “Why did you do that?” However, when boys hit, we tend to focus solely on correcting the behavior. This pattern can create a gap in emotional vocabulary, making it difficult for boys to articulate their feelings. Just as teaching children a limited palette of colors constrains their description of the world, failing to equip boys with a vocabulary for their emotions can hinder their ability to express themselves.
After your child has calmed down, approach them with a nonjudgmental attitude and ask, “Why did you hit?” Encourage them to identify the emotions that led to their actions—anger, frustration, jealousy, etc. If they struggle to find the words, offer suggestions until they resonate with your child. Spend just a couple of minutes brainstorming alternative actions they could take when feeling similarly in the future.
Keep in mind that these strategies may take weeks or even months to show results, so persistence is key. Remember, this phase is a typical stage of development, and with consistent efforts, you’ll likely see a decrease in these incidents—at least until they reach middle elementary school, where boys often communicate through playful punches.
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In summary, addressing physical aggression in preschoolers takes patience, clear communication, and emotional guidance. By setting boundaries, teaching empathy, and helping them articulate their feelings, you can effectively reduce instances of hitting over time.
Keyphrase: preschooler hitting behavior
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