Recently, I experienced excruciating pain in my eye. My right eye became watery, swollen, and red, and the sensitivity to light was unbearable. I could barely keep it open. Trust me, never search your symptoms online.
Before I could pen my own eulogy, I splashed my face with water, removed my contact lenses, and rinsed my eye thoroughly. I spent the rest of the day in my glasses. Thankfully, it turned out to be a simple tear in my contact lens—no meningitis or corneal ulcer in sight.
Throughout this ordeal, I continued to juggle parenting responsibilities like a superhero, but by the end of the day, I was dealing with a whole new set of symptoms courtesy of my four little rascals.
So, before you leap to alarming conclusions or start Googling your ailments, take a moment to reflect on your day.
Symptom: Nausea
Causes:
You might be battling the notorious norovirus, but it’s just as likely your gag reflex is being tested by…
- Watching your toddler mix yogurt with ketchup and devouring it on a pretzel stick.
- Changing the sheets on the top bunk, only to find a wall of artwork crafted from late-night nose discoveries.
- Encountering something unspeakable while tossing your teenager’s sheets in the washing machine—likely yogurt, but who knows?
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Insomnia
I get it. You’re frustrated with yourself or someone else because all you’ve wanted since having kids is a good night’s sleep. Yet, it’s 3 a.m., and you’re counting cobwebs. Surely, this is some irreversible condition. “I’ll never sleep again,” you mutter into the darkness.
Causes:
- You made a throwaway comment that your 6-year-old will likely remember for life, possibly leading to a future filled with questionable partners.
- While cleaning your teen’s room, you found a condom, and you’re left wondering whether to praise or scold him, while a montage of his childhood flashes through your mind.
- Your daughter spat at someone at the playground, leaving you questioning your parenting skills.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Headache
Causes:
It could be a migraine, but it’s probably due to…
- Surviving another bedtime filled with questions about time travel, quantum physics, and why Cookie Monster is blue.
- Realizing it’s 12:03 a.m., and your child hasn’t returned from curfew.
- Preparing a gourmet dinner with veggies cleverly hidden in the sauce, only for it to be met with a chorus of “down with dinner.”
- Stifling your urge to unleash expletives when the cashier calls the next person, and you were next—not the seven people behind you.
- Your son only wears octopus shirts, so you bought every octopus shirt you could find, only for him to switch to sharks.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Back Pain
Causes:
It might be a slipped disc, or maybe it’s just…
- Sitting up in bed at 2 a.m. for your infant’s millionth feeding.
- Carrying a baby, a toddler, 12 bags of groceries, and two backpacks in one trip while the other kids complain about tired legs.
- Sitting on bleachers while watching your child play, realizing you forgot to breathe the entire game.
- The stealthy maneuver you perform to escape the nursery at night.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Sore Throat
Causes:
Sure, you could have allergies or a cold, but it’s probably because…
- You pleaded with your kids to pick up their Legos, only to step on them hours later and scream for 45 minutes straight.
- You belted out four Sofia the First songs in the car, completely forgetting the kids weren’t with you.
- You repeatedly requested your little ones find their shoes, only to continue asking until the end of time, with no success.
Diagnosis: Parenthood.
Symptom: Fatigue
Causes:
Seriously?
In short, parenting can feel like a debilitating disease or chronic illness. While I recommend consulting a doctor for any concerning symptoms, I also recognize that as a parent, you probably don’t have the time.
Perhaps a warning label on a child’s birth certificate, similar to those on medications, would help us all: “Caution: May cause nausea, difficulty breathing, headaches, dizziness, mood swings, abdominal cramping, weight changes, anxiety, heart palpitations, sore throat, confusion, chest tightness, fatigue, sweating…”
For more on home insemination and pregnancy, check out this post about using an at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit from our blog, and consider this excellent resource for helpful information on pregnancy. If you’re curious about the process, BabyMaker’s at-home insemination kit can also be a great option.
Summary
Parenting can often feel like a series of physical ailments due to the myriad of unexpected challenges it presents. From nausea and insomnia to headaches and fatigue, the daily trials of parenthood can leave you questioning your well-being. Yet, amidst the chaos, it’s essential to acknowledge that these symptoms often stem from the unique experiences that come with raising children.
Keyphrase: Parenting Symptoms
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