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“He can’t possibly be autistic because…”
During the journey of seeking a diagnosis for my son, Leo, I encountered countless comments like, “He made eye contact!” or “He’s nothing like that character from a movie!” Parents already grapple with the emotional weight of accepting their child’s diagnosis. We spend endless nights questioning ourselves, and when we finally recognize the truth, we don’t need to justify our experiences to others. Autism is a spectrum, varying widely in presentation between individuals.
Instead, ask, “I’m not familiar with autism; could you share what it’s like for Leo?” Questions like this show genuine interest and a willingness to understand. It’s comforting to talk about my son, and it reassures me that you want to learn rather than judge. After Leo’s diagnosis, a friend said, “He’s the same wonderful child he was before,” and that meant the world to me. -
“He’ll probably outgrow it.”
It’s been seven years since Leo was diagnosed, and he is not going to outgrow his autism. It’s an intrinsic part of who he is, shaping his unique strengths and challenges. Suggesting he will outgrow it undermines not only his progress but also the hard work he puts into every achievement. I cherish when people accept Leo as he is, quirks and all. A friend named Mia always embraced his unconventional ways. For instance, Leo would greet her by running into her, and she’d reciprocate, making him laugh heartily. Acceptance is key. I’m thrilled when people inquire about his interests or ask him directly about what he enjoys. Anyone who spends time with Leo soon realizes he’s an amazing kid, not defined solely by his autism. -
“I read that autism is caused by…”
Please, spare me the latest “study” that assigns blame to parents. I don’t need to read about how my lifestyle choices might have caused Leo’s autism. Research in this area is often correlational, and while genetics is increasingly believed to play a significant role, misinformation is rampant. If you’re looking for a lively debate, feel free to mention vaccines, but be prepared for a heated discussion. -
“I heard that you can cure autism by…”
This is a sensitive topic. The conversation around cures is fraught with misconceptions. Many adults with autism take great offense to the idea that they need fixing. They value their identities and want to be accepted as they are. Moreover, the market is flooded with dubious treatments, some of which can be harmful. Parents of autistic children already seek effective support, which often includes therapies aimed at helping them thrive, not eliminating their autism. For instance, Leo has been in various therapies since he was 18 months old. We’ve explored numerous options, but these were never about curing him—just about supporting his best self. It’s far better to ask, “Do you have any book recommendations on autism?” rather than suggest dubious “cures.” -
“You’re amazing for handling this!”
While I appreciate the sentiment, labels like “hero” can feel overwhelming. I’m just a regular mom navigating a unique situation. The truth is, if you found yourself in my shoes, you’d adapt too. Special needs children aren’t given to special parents; they’re part of the diverse tapestry of family life. Each day is a mix of challenges and triumphs, and I’m just doing what any parent would do. Instead of placing me on a pedestal, saying, “How can I support you?” is much more meaningful. A simple, “You’re doing well!” can mean a lot to a parent in this journey. -
“__________”
Saying nothing can be more hurtful than any of the comments listed above. Autism often isolates families, making it hard to engage in social activities. We teach our kids not to stare or point, which can lead to feeling invisible. My biggest fear in sharing this list is that it might discourage you from reaching out altogether. Most parents of children with disabilities are eager to talk about their experiences and proud of their kids. Don’t hesitate to engage us—ask questions! Your curiosity can make a difference.
In conclusion, when interacting with parents of autistic children, it’s crucial to approach the topic with sensitivity and understanding. Avoid assumptions and instead foster an open dialogue. We appreciate your support and willingness to learn.
For more insights about family planning and parenting, check out this post on at-home insemination kits or learn more about IVF options.