Ben used to take pride in coining the title of my blog. “I thought of the name, so Mom wouldn’t even have a website without me,” he would tease his siblings. And, to some extent, he was right. The title emerged during a phase when he was just two, gripped by fears of everything: his room, his classroom, his car seat, even dinner… and yes, me. The moment he blurted out “Scary Mommy,” I knew my future blog had found its name, and the rest is history.
Recently, though, his perspective on my work has shifted. While his siblings bask in the spotlight, he prefers to hide from it. He becomes emotional when I’m not there for bedtime, and just last week, as I prepared to leave for a few days, his eyes filled with tears. “I wish I had never said the name,” he lamented. “If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have to go.” Cue the Mommy Guilt—I’m convinced a swift jab to the gut would have hurt less.
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind of excitement—book launch parties, fancy hotels, talk shows, and making the New York Times list. I’m still pinching myself over it all. Yet, despite the thrill, I find myself longing for home, lounging in my yoga pants and navigating the carpool line with the kids who inspired this entire journey.
The Quest for Balance
During my readings, I often host a Q&A session, and one recurring question is about balance—how do I manage to find it, and what’s the secret? The question always makes me chuckle. Me? Balance? That’s the last thing I’ve discovered. When I’m not busy, I get restless, and when I am, I feel like my family suffers. I want to embrace the excitement, but I wish I could savor it in smaller doses. Unfortunately, that’s not how life seems to work.
So here I am, writing this with tears in my eyes, on my way to New York for the next four days. I’ll miss Jeff’s 35th birthday and skip baseball games and a school performance. Sure, I’ll enjoy a king-sized bed to myself, but it comes with a hefty price. I hardly sleep well when I can’t hear my kids’ breathing.
I’ll return home on Saturday, and this Mother’s Day, for the first time since Lily was a baby, I don’t want a day off. It turns out that too little time with my kids is even more challenging than too much.
Resources for Your Journey
If you’re navigating your own family journey, consider checking out this excellent resource on treating infertility. If you’re exploring home insemination, we have an informative piece on the at-home insemination kit that can guide you. Plus, for couples on their fertility journey, this couples fertility journey guide is a great authority to turn to.
Conclusion
In summary, the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood is real, and the guilt that comes with pursuing one’s passion can be overwhelming. Despite the excitement of achievements, the heart often longs for family time and connection. Finding balance may seem elusive, but it’s a struggle many parents share.
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